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Joel Rants About Resumes

Posted by Hemos on Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:31 AM
from the keep-on-ranting-on dept.
rbrandis writes "Mr. Spolsky's latest rant is about writing a resume that will be read "Please do not use cover letters that you copied out of a book. If you write 'I understand the position also requires a candidate who is team- and detail-oriented, works well under pressure, and is able to deal with people in departments throughout the firm' then at best people will think you're a bullshit artist and at worst they will think that you were not born with the part of the brain that allows you to form your own thoughts and ideas.""
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  • Deal (Score:5, Interesting)

    by onyxruby (118189) <onyxruby@comc[ ].net ['ast' in gap]> on Monday January 26 2004, @11:34AM (#8088603) Homepage
    Deal, no more generic bullshit answers. Now when to the bullshit questions and requirements stop? I've seen job requirements that required experience in products less than a week old (W2K3 Server), and bullshit questions like "what is your greatest weakness". Cut it all out, sounds great to me.

    • Re:Deal (Score:5, Insightful)

      by hendridm (302246) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:44AM (#8088742) Homepage

      > and bullshit questions like "what is your greatest weakness".

      +1 Insightful. If you don't want me to play your interview like a game, then don't make it a game. Questions like that only test my ability to study and come up with my best material before an interview. Is that what you really want, or do you want honest answers? A question like that is like your wife asking you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" The answer can only be honest if it's the truth, otherwise you must lie. If it's a sales position and you want to test my ability to bullshit smoothly, that's fine I suppose.

      While I'm ranting, what's with filling out "applications". If I'm applying for a sysadmin or programmer position, you have my resume. It details everything I'm required to copy onto your damn 6 page, small type, not-enough-room, non-online-pen-online-sore-fingers application. I will fill out a life history and anything else you want if you are actually interested in me, but don't make me fill out a phonebook before I'm even issued a first interview.

      And what does it matter what high school I attended? I haven't been near that town since I went to college. Who cares where I went to high school?!? It's not like I had much of a choice in the matter. And don't put a 3"x1" space and expect me to write "School Name, Address, and Phone Number" on it. Otherwise, make it an online application so you can easily change the font to 3pt when you print it out.

    • Re:Deal (Score:5, Interesting)

      by gad_zuki! (70830) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:40PM (#8089586)
      >Now when to the bullshit questions and requirements stop?

      Well put. The Resume/Interview process is like this leftover from when you always called anyone above you 'Sir' and tried to avoid making eye-contact. The workplace has gotten a bit more egalitarian since the 50s, yet the hiring process hasn't.

      There are classes, seminars, books etc if not a whole industry giving out these simple pieces of advice on 'how to get a job' but in real life its often much more of an art than it is a science. Some of the advice in this thread is just silly like 'don't use a template.' Do you really want to hire someone whose so compulsive-obsessive about the 'look and feel' of his resume that he'll make a special formatted one just for every application, especially when applying to dozens of jobs? Yeah, that's the guy you want developing software when the deadline approaches. "But I can't get these buttons to FEEL right!" Hey, you hired him knowing how he was.

      The worst part is the traditional advice is useless in a world where your resume gets imported into a database and HR simply does searches when looking to fill a position. I doubt your helvecta fonts and tables will do you much good when its been transfered to ascii on some wacky web interface for the HR people.

      The more I read in this thread, the more I realize why my co-workers tend to be idiots. If all it takes to get a job is a clean suit and a fancy formatted resume, well no wonder there's so much incompetence. Arguably, the people who put off the 'best vibes' are high-level social engineers who also will use those skills to do as little work as possible, play on the guilt of others, etc.
      • Re:Deal (Score:5, Funny)

        by Mr. Piddle (567882) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:51AM (#8088825)
        Why do you call it a "bullshit question"?

        Because it is an easy thing for the interviewer to ask. It shows no ingenuity nor does it reflect highly on the interviewer's intelligence. It is the kind of question a retarded person would ask thinking it makes them look smart.

        Not only that, it can be considered an inappropriate invasion of privacy. "...so, what's your greatest weakness..." "I have a vodka and squirrel fetish that I simply cannot shake!" Even then, both the question and answer is completely irrelevant to the job; as long as the guy doesn't show up drunk with squirrels in his pockets, you shouldn't care what his greatest weakness is (given he is a reliable and competent employee).
        • by DrCode (95839) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:15PM (#8089175)
          Flat feet.

          Oh, professionally? Well, I work so efficiently that it demoralizes all my coworkers. That's why they had to let me go from my last 4 jobs.
          • Re:Deal (Score:5, Interesting)

            by Tackhead (54550) on Monday January 26 2004, @01:01PM (#8089841)
            > Besides, nobody in their right mind will ever answer that question honestly... as they know that you will not get hired if you tell the person in the interview your real greatest weakness.

            "I'm unable to lie on obvious interview screening questions. And I have a vodka and squirrel fetish. I spend way too much time at home doing Fark Photoshop contests, where a certain squirrel is pretty popular."

            You've just shown them that you (a) know it's a setup question, (b) demonstrated the ability to think on your feet, and (c) let slip that your idea of a good time is working on learning how to operate high-end software suites.

            If the job were for a graphic design position, and I were interviewing you, and I got that response, I'd say "Show me". And if your Photoshop was good, I'd hire you on the spot. Because it shows me you're not just looking for "a job", but that you actually enjoy your work.

        • Re:Deal (Score:5, Insightful)

          by Kombat (93720) <kombat@kombat.org> on Monday January 26 2004, @01:47PM (#8090544) Homepage
          [Re: "What's your greatest weakness?"]

          It's a stupid question because all your doing is testing the ability of someone to lie on the spot. The rest of us who've heard this question a billion times will just give the stock answer we've given in every other interview.


          Uhm, ... with all due respect, perhaps the reason you've heard this question "billions of times" (i.e., you've been to a lot of interviews, i.e., you tend to get rejected for a lot of jobs) is because you lie, and simply regurgitate a stock answer.

          Has it occurred to you to be honest?

          When I first started attending career counseling, they warned me about this question, and our homework was to prepare an answer. We all compared in class, and came up with the "good" answers ("I work too hard," "I'm a perfectionist," yada yada yada), and sure enough, on my interviews, I heard the question. So I spat back the "perfectionist" line, they quietly noted my response and showed no reaction. Why should they? They'd asked the question a hundred times before, and they'd heard my answer a hundred times before.

          Eventually, I got sick of it. So the next time I was asked, I answered honestly. "I can sometimes have narrow vision. That is, I'm type-A and can focus all my energies on one thing. This often yeilds stellar results for that task, but at the expense of other important things that I may have neglected. However, I'm aware that I have this tendency and am working to improve my multi-tasking abilities."

          I got the job. They even commented that they admired my honesty and self-deprecating candor.
  • by junkymailbox (731309) * on Monday January 26 2004, @11:34AM (#8088607)
    There was a guy that applied for a programming job. He wrote on his resume that he knew C++ and C since he heard about those classes in college. So naturally he figured that there must also be C+ language and wrote it into his resume. The HR looked at his resume and lo and behold .. he was hired.
  • by Godeke (32895) * on Monday January 26 2004, @11:36AM (#8088636)
    Having been responsible for the interview process, I have to agree with 95% of Joel's comments. I also used e-mail as the principal method of communication, because it allowed me to drag and drop organize an otherwise unruly pile of paper.

    While I never saw an application that said "hire me d00d" from Yahoo, as he seems to be quoting, I saw some pretty awful stuff. The fact of the matter is most jobs will generate far more interest in the position than it is possible to interview through, so a good resume is your only hope of getting to the phone interview in my book.

    In my experience, 50% of all applications (or more) are either:
    a) Unqualified: why are you wasting your time? If I ask for C++ experience, your VB skills are probably not going to help debug the memory leaks you create.
    b) Illiterate: I'm a poor speller too, but I found "spell check" and a proofreader, why can't you?
    c) Inflexable: my favorite category. "I work from home in California, and telecommute" isn't going to fill position in southern Arizona. I was shocked by the quantity of these in 1999, heyday of stupid applications.

    I do however make some allowances for international applicants. Some of my best finds were people with 80% command of English, but 100% command of C++, architecture and design. I'm willing to work with a language barrier, so I thought he was a bit agressive in that area.
    • by Stalus (646102) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:40PM (#8089596)

      If I ask for C++ experience, your VB skills are probably not going to help debug the memory leaks you create.

      These sorts of requirements have always been silly to me - mostly because I attended a good school. A lot of computer science departments realize that the language that is in style changes, so they teach a good amount of theory, rather than specific languages. What this means is that their students can basically pick up a new language by grabbing and book and be useful in a day or two - and be proficient in probably a week or two. Granted, having VB as a first language likely means it's not one of these kinds of people :P

      By basing hiring decisions based on specific languages and not the background needed to pick up a new language, companies may be missing out on potentially better employees - those that are flexible enough to still function if say someone were to decide that everything needs to be rewritten in java 6 months down the line. I'll admit that identifying these kinds of people may be difficult.

      Perhaps companies should be a little more general about what they want rather than specific programming languages and start asking for conceptual skills. "Must have experience with an object-oriented language, memory management, traversing tree and graph-like data structures. Specific familiarity with C++ and HTML a plus." or "Must have experience with a write-only scripting language" which we all know refers to Perl :P

  • Resumes (Score:5, Informative)

    by ackthpt (218170) * on Monday January 26 2004, @11:37AM (#8088650) Homepage Journal

    Do not lie. Lies are eventually revealed, you waste your time and theirs.

    Keep it to what's current and to the subject.

    Make it readable and non-technical. It's going to be screened by HR people, they're typically really bad with technical details.

    Keep a text copy, some people want to receive resumes through horrible web interfaces.

    Nobody gives a crap about your hobbies, unless then involve lots of theft of past employers property, in which case they'll appreciate your candor.

    • Hobbies (Score:5, Funny)

      by Tim Ward (514198) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:01PM (#8088994) Homepage
      Nobody gives a crap about your hobbies

      Not quite ... one lady wrote such a long detailed list of her hobbies that we wondered how on earth she could ever find any time to do any work ... so we didn't interview her. So, that section of her CV was useful to us.
    • Re:Resumes (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Daniel Boisvert (143499) on Monday January 26 2004, @01:21PM (#8090205)
      Nobody gives a crap about your hobbies

      I've had Firewalking listed in my 3-line Outside Interests section for some time now, and it invariably sparks conversation during the interviews. I'll grant that the HR folks don't generally notice it, but I have yet to see a hiring manager who didn't. That seems to be one of those resume tidbits that gets around the office before your first day, too, and in my mind anything that gets your name around the office without making you look like *too* much of an idiot is a good thing. =)

      Dan
  • by nsxdavid (254126) * <dw.play@net> on Monday January 26 2004, @11:37AM (#8088651) Homepage
    It is amazing how poor most resume submissions are. They follow the common pattern, but in doing so manage to not stand out at all.

    For example, people applying for art positions (like 3D artist) will send a resume but not a portfolio. What's up with that? I could not care less where they went to school, I only care what they can do.

    The cover letter is by far the most import thing in most instances. It needs to say what the applicant is capable of. What they have done that is similar. And why they want to work for the company in question (which they should show some clue about).

    Don't use "Resume Writer 2.0", just sit down and write something intelligent. Put yourself in the frame of mind of the person who has to wade through the huge influx of job seekers. Think about you would want to see in a resume/cover letter.
  • HR Departments (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Daen Kolarin (743947) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:38AM (#8088661)
    Joel's comments may be applicable when applying straight to a person within a dept. But unfortunately for many companies, the resumes are sent through HR first.

    The HR people usually don't know the tecnical details about a job all that well, so they filter based on presense of Buzzwords (or so it seems a lot of the time). If you don't put the admittadly moronic "detail oriented, forward-thinking, team player" in your resume, it may not even get to the person who can actually understand what is written on the resume!

    Of course this only applies to technical positions. If you are applying to a job that only asks for MS OFFICE skills, HR can probably figure it out.
  • by frenetic3 (166950) * <houston@NOSPam.alum.mit.edu> on Monday January 26 2004, @11:39AM (#8088672) Homepage Journal
    being slashdot, i'm sure a bunch of fellow it/dev hiring managers have seen some funny shit...

    how many people have seen emails like this? they always crack me up:

    Dear Mr. Peter McDermott ,


    I saw your recent job posting and think i would be an excellent fit for Linux (Full-time) Administrator/Sysadmin . I am a very hard worker and a quick learner. My experience with IIS and ASP is extensive... ...
    of course, there was no peter mcdermott at our company, nor did our jobs@ email have any name linked to it. the jackass forgot to remove it when he cut and pasted from some other job posting response.

    in the words of strongbad...DELETED!

    anyone else's gag reflex triggered whenever getting an email beginning with Dear Sir/Madam from @yahoo.com?

    *sigh*

    -fren

  • doing it right (Score:5, Insightful)

    by emilymildew (646109) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:39AM (#8088678) Homepage
    This is exactly why people correct other people's English mistakes. If you aren't using it correctly when you are in casual conversation (or casual correspondence, as the case may be), you might not use it correctly when it actually matters.

    Sure, he understands what you mean if you write "i m interested in your job," but if you don't have the patience or care to make even that one sentence cover letter correct, why on earth would an employer want to take a chance on you?

    I'm done apologizing for wanting people to speak and spell and use English correctly. For most of you, this is your native language! Why is it shameful to want to speak it correctly?

    (I probably made some grammar errors in there. I'm SURE I did, and I'm sure someone will pounce on them. I proofread this, and I have spellcheck running, and I have a pretty decent working knowledge of grammar in English, so, you know, I'm trying.)
  • by toupsie (88295) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:39AM (#8088680) Homepage
    A resume never gets you a job, only an interview. If you get a job based on a resume alone, I would be very wary of the business.

    Also spell check and let an unemployed English major review it.

  • by Fortunato_NC (736786) <verlinh75@@@msn...com> on Monday January 26 2004, @11:40AM (#8088691) Homepage Journal
    I hire a lot of interns every semester, so I see a lot of resumes. If you're applying for a position, and know for a fact that a lot of people from your school will be applying to the same position, don't use the resume template provided by the career services office unaltered. Your resume cannot possibly stand out from the others if it looks the same as everyone else's.

    Same thing goes for Word's resume wizard. You can use it to get started, but if you stick completely with its format, your resume is going to look just like everyone else's. You and your work experience are different, your resume should reflect that.

    Don't be afraid to take risks. One of the best resumes I've seen used color and graphics - it was definitely eye catching, and it worked, because when I called the young man back, he'd already accepted an internship somewhere else!

  • by jc42 (318812) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:40AM (#8088696) Homepage Journal
    Buzzwords. Acronyms. Keywords.

    In anything much bigger than a 2-person shop these days, resumes pretty much just go unread into a database. They are only seen by a human if they match a retrieval request. For that to happen, you have to have the keywords that the hiring manager typed.

    The rest doesn't much matter. If a retrieval doesn't match your resume, it will never be retrieved, and will never be read by a human.

    One thing still missing from the databases: They need information on how long a given acronym, uh, I mean product, has been out. This would cut down on managers looking for five years experience on something that was released less than a year ago.

  • by osullish (586626) <osullish@gmail . c om> on Monday January 26 2004, @11:41AM (#8088697)
    "Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them."
  • by GGardner (97375) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:45AM (#8088760)
    Joel's rant seems fair enough, but let's look at the other side of the process.

    Again and again, I see job positions for which the applicant is asked to submit a resume via a textbox in a web form. Usually, no mention is given of what format is allowed (Plain ASCII? HTML? PDF? Tex?), so one pretty much has to assume least-common denominator, and submit in ASCII. Then, one has to pray to the line-width gods that the end product (printed out? online?) will not look too horrible compared to what you just put in.

    So, for those on the other side of the table, can you please implement a simple web-file-upload protocol, and tell us what format you like?

  • Objective ? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by psycho_tinman (313601) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:46AM (#8088769) Journal

    Its very difficult to be objective and to find a "one size fits all" sort of resume guide. Even one that is written by Joel Spolsky.

    Joel has some criteria that he considers more important than others.. Fine. He's doing the hiring, it is his perogative (sp?). The thing is, not all hiring managers are ticked off by the same things that Joel rants about.

    I have seen resumes with a few (minor) spelling errors that wouldn't have been caught by spellcheck make it into a short list. I've also seen letter perfect ones rejected. Obviously, some managers scan through and look for work experience and qualifications. They don't notice (or care) about "having a space only AFTER the comma" (direct quote from his rant).

    I also don't completely agree with his idea that "if you don't have the right qualifications, don't apply for the job". I've applied for a job asking for 4 years experience, but I only had 2 (or a bit less). I still got the job. It is a nitpick, but if you think you're close enough, it's worth giving it a shot. Obviously, asking for a DBA and getting a COBOL programmer applying isn't ideal, but some employers are flexible about years of experience and specific technologies.

    Last, but not least, I don't have a domain of my own. I use my Yahoo address and check mail on it regularly. What's wrong with using a free email service anyway ?

    Sorry, Mr. Spolsky. You have good points, but I wonder if your rant deserves the publicity that it is going to get with a frontpage Slashdot story. Apologies for the rant of my own :)

  • Except that you are the product.

    It's no use sending out resumes at random. You need to know who you are speaking to and what they need. Then, try to explain clearly why hiring you will save them money and/or provide other concrete benefits.

    The hardest part is getting an interview but normally decent firms will interview several candidates. You can also call before you send your resume, find the person doing the selection, and ask them whether your CV was clear or not. This can help to get it to the top of the stack.

    Last piece of advice: this is such a hard time to find tech jobs that you may be better starting your own business one way or another. Ironically, the dot-com boom was better for employees than for businessmen, and this period is the reverse.
  • by Shant3030 (414048) * on Monday January 26 2004, @11:51AM (#8088822)
    I agree with most of Joel's rants. I have been a rep at a local college(a highly reputable tech school) job fair numerous times.

    I am truly amazed at how crappy some resumes are. Some students hand me resumes that are printed off-centered, bad photocopies, wrinkled from the folder they just stuffed it in, etc. If they can't take the time to print their resumes on quality paper and carry them in a resume binder, I tend to believe they are just as careless when they are working.

    Spacing and formatting is also a huge problem. Highlight the most important aspects of your resume. When looking at hundreds of resumes in a few hours, you want to be able to easily spot education and skill set (especially when dealing with college students who have little experience).

    Many applicants came to the job fair dressed in non-formal attire. This is not good. At least, wear a shirt and tie. Don't roll out of bed and throw on some jeans, take the time to look presentable.

    Like Solsky says, do these factors hurt an applicant if they have they meet the necessary requirements, sometimes. When applying for a job, you are selling yourself and must put your best effort in every little detail. From resume to dress, you will be scrutinized and judged. Look your best.

    • I don't get this (Score:5, Insightful)

      by HarveyBirdman (627248) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:26PM (#8089348) Journal
      Many applicants came to the job fair dressed in non-formal attire.

      See, I don't get this. I wear ties when expected by our dippy culture, but I never understood what the hell they are supposed to mean. As far as I can tell, it's some pointless relic from an bygone era. I'm not saying show up in torn jeans, but why can't people be comfortable in an interveiw instead of tarting themselves up with clothing they will never be wearing on the job? Why can't we have some sort of happy medium?

      Some of the most brilliant engineers and scientists have are perpetually casual dressers. It's irrelevant. Drug dealers wear suits. Kenneth Lay wore suits. Saddam Hussein wore suits. It's meaningless.

      We hired a guy last year who showed up in an expensive Italian suit (he came from a semi-rich family). He turned out to be one of the biggest screw ups we've ever had, and was fired six months later for accessing porn sites on his work PC.

      • Pants (Score:5, Funny)

        by Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) on Monday January 26 2004, @01:44PM (#8090505) Homepage
        I wear ties when expected by our dippy culture, but I never understood what the hell they are supposed to mean. As far as I can tell, it's some pointless relic from an bygone era.

        I wear pants when expected by our dippy culture, but I never understood what the hell they are supposed to mean. As far as I can tell, it's some pointless relic from an bygone era.

  • by Theatetus (521747) * on Monday January 26 2004, @12:07PM (#8089071) Journal

    The trick with resumes is to get noticed, but not for the wrong reasons. A resume (at least in the tech world) has to walk a fine line: you want to get past the HR people who will be looking for keywords, but you also have to prove to the tech person who will end up reading it that you are not a total tool.

    My last resume worked pretty well; I sent it to 5 employers and got 3 interviews (the other 2 were, frankly, out of my league but it never hurt anybody to aim high). The 3 interviews got me 2 offers, and I have a job from one of them.

    From the resumes and cover letters I've been seing lately, I would offer this advice to job seekers:

    • When you list job experience, include some bullet points of specific things you did. Simply saying "Systems administrator" or "developer" doesn't tell me much. Saying "Managed 3 DNS servers for 500 domains" tells me a lot more.
    • Remember what you learned in Freshman composition and use it. Keep your writing short and to the point, and make sure your letter has a beginning which includes a sort of abstract, a middle that goes into a little detail of why you want the job and why you'd be a good choice, and an end which at least tries to close me.
    • Don't be afraid of buzzwords but don't spam me with them either. If you think you're a motivated self-starter with good communication skills, it's not too bad to say so but it's much better to offer concrete examples of that.
    • Do some research into the company. All of our names are on my company's website; don't be afraid to address the letter to one of us. Mention what we do and how you can help our specific projects; that is always impressive.
    • DO include a list of your skills but DON'T list a skill that you don't really have (reading "DNS Administration For Dummies" doesn't mean you can run a BIND cluster).
    • Finally, don't come across flat. Your resume should tell me something about you that gives me a little insight into who you are. What are your interests? What experiences made you who you are today? Don't worry if parts don't seem entirely relevant to the job. I'd rather know that somebody learned viniculture over a summer in France than that they took a 1-week class in Flash and Director.

    Anyways, that's just me and YMMV. Selling is easy it just takes the will to close the guy.

  • Shareware vs. MIT (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Sebastopol (189276) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:25PM (#8089325) Homepage
    "Writing a shareware app when you're a teenager is just as good a qualification to us as getting into MIT."

    In my 15 years of hiring new college grads for entry level engineering positions, I've seen some total fucknuts come out of MIT. I mean complete mouth-breathers who couldn't solve a problem without their hands being held from start to finish.

    I'm not putting MIT below any other school, I'm just surprised that it had an equal percentage of dead wood as the local state school.

    However, I do find that the students who excel from MIT, generally do so to a much higher degree than the top performers from other schools.

    I'd immediately pounce on an applicant who started and finished a big project, on their own time, during high-school. Hardware, software, organization: the simple fact that you have problem solving skill and care about something is a HUGE plus. Can't stress that enough.

    GPA and SAT scores are the LAST things I look at.

  • by deathofcats (710348) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:35PM (#8089506) Homepage
    I've been in the job market for several years. I have a perfect resume, lots of experience that is suitable to a variety of positions, and a lifetime of experience searching for jobs. Since I usually get nibbles when I do find jobs to apply to, I would argue that the problem is the terrible job market and incompetent employers. This rant about bad resumes might be amusing to those of us used to belittling our fellow co-workers, but when I've been involved in the hiring process, most of the resumes I've seen have been pretty adequate.

    The real problem here are incompetent, rude, and stupid employers. I've been through enough interview situations to know that the real incompetent factor in the job interview process is usually the employer. What burns me up these days are employers who can't even bother to contact you after you've gone in and interviewed with them. Think about it. You go out of your way to dress up for an interview, get your butt to the interview, spend an hour or two answering questions, and then the potential employers can't be bothered to contact you about the outcome of the interview.

    Here is a short list of rude and stupid behavior that I have experienced from potential employers:

    1) If you are contacting me to set up an interview, I assume that you have noticed the fact that I live halfway across the country from your office. Do you understand what a *phone interview* is?
    2) It is rude behavior to leave an interviewee in a room so you can go get some cake at the department birthday party (Aspen Sytems in Washington, DC).
    3) When you ask me stupid questions like "What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?" I make a mental note that I will not work for your company.
    4) I sent you a nice resumer, cover letter and thank you letter after the interview. The least you can do is send me a rejection letter when you have made your decision.
    5) Please don't spring "tests" and "homework assigments" on me when I show up for an interview. Please have some respect for my experience, skills, and time. Just because you think that it is a cute idea to send me home with "homework," doesn't mean that you are finding out anything more than you could have learned from my resume and interview. Stop wasting my time!
    6) If the interview is going to take more than an hour, please tell me ahead of time so I can adjust my plans accordingly. It really sucks to show up for an interview only to be handed an "itinerary" for three hours of interviews.
    7) It says a lot about your organization when you interview me once, then interview me again three months later, and never bother following up with me with a phone call or letter (ACLU).
    8) Don't assume that I will leave the job because I am "overqualified." If I bothered to show up for the interview, then I have solid reasons to want the job. Did it ever occur to you that I might want a part time job so I can have time for the family or other projects or jobs?
    9) Where do I see myself in five years? Probably in your job, if this is the most intelligent question you can throw at me.

    Yeah, people write bad resumes, but let's talk about stupid employer tricks!
  • Real boners... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by dbc (135354) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:42PM (#8089621)
    Yes, I've done some hirin' and some firin'.

    Worst cover letter boner:

    "I have good communicationing skills. As you seeing from cover letter, I can speaking and writing very well English"

    Okaaaay... look, I don't need a James Joyce clone for an entry level engineering job so this kind of English is not a disqualifier by itself, but I try to avoid the delusional. Don't fib.

    Worst resume boner:

    Some guy got past the screeing process with a resume that looked quite good. Lot's of relevant experience items. So, naturally, I thought I'd pick one and let him expound, you know, give him a chance to show his stuff. First one fizzled. Second. Third. So, about the fifth try I decided to pick one a drill down to the bedrock, what did this guy really know? He listed experiece with SPICE. So I asked him some basic SPICE questions. Deer in headlights. It turns out, the "experiece" this guy had with spice, is that when he was a lab monitor some grad student had needed SPICE on a workstation, so he had tar'ed it off the tape. THAT WAS IT. He ran tar to pull SPICE off a tape. His entire resume was just as inflated as that item. His interview day ended shortly after.

    Don't inflate, don't stretch. It will bite you in the ass, big time.
  • by Robber Baron (112304) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:58PM (#8089804) Homepage
    One of the biggest misconceptions about job search is that a job opening is like a lottery and you are one lucky sonofabitch if a company deigns to consider you for a position with them.

    A job advertisment is NOT a lottery, it is an invitation to enter into a BUSINESS NEGOTIATION with them in which you exchange something they need (your skills) for something you need (dollars). You should ALWAYS have the view that they are on trial by you just as much as you are by them and you will walk away from the table if they aren't the right fit for you. NEVER adopt the demeanor of the supplicant or job-beggar.

    Another thing I have to take exception to is this statement: If you don't have the right qualifications, don't apply for the job. That depends on who wrote the qualifications and how reasonable they are. Often the list is written by some HR drone who doesn't know shit from shinola, much less what UNIX is or what a router looks like or that you can't possibly have 5 years experience deploying Windows 2003! Maybe you don't exactly meet their qualification list...so what? If you think you can do the job and offer them something of value, by all means apply! I've applied for (and landed) jobs that I wasn't fully qualified for. Who knows? The other guy they're considering might be a super-qualified asshole. I'd rather train somebody I can get along with than have to deal with an asshole any day! And if some HR dork gives you grief for "wasting their time" because "you don't meet their list", politely remind them that your time is valuable too.
    • Another batch? Yes! (Score:5, Interesting)

      by medscaper (238068) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:42AM (#8088719) Homepage
      From the article : Don't apply for too many jobs. I don't think there's ever a reason to apply for more than three or four jobs at a time. Resumespam, or any sign that you're applying for 100 jobs, just makes you look desperate which makes you look unqualified.

      Gees. I gotta disagree, here.

      First of all, what does my prospective employer have to do with what other positions I apply for?

      And second, I think that shows a sign of determination and, in these times, you seem to need just that to get a job. Gone are the "one phone call to the recruiter" days of finding 50 job offers. In fact, my last recruiter called ME a few months ago looking for a position for herself...

      Go ahead, apply for every job THAT YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR, and sort through the results yourself. Get out, get noticed. If your prospective employer thinks you should sit around on your ass and pretend that you're qualified and live off of Ramen and potatos for months while you wait, then you probably don't want to work for him.

      • by IANAAC (692242) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:53AM (#8088857)
        Go ahead, apply for every job THAT YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR, and sort through the results yourself.

        I don't think you're disagreeing all that much, really. If you're sending out 100+ resumes a day THAT YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR, then you should have NO trouble finding a job, determination or not.

        If, on the other hand, you're sending out 100+ resumes to places you're not qualified for, all you're doing is wasting everybody's time, yours included.

    • by Hawkins (219795) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:43AM (#8088723) Homepage
      If it's my dream job that I have no chance in hell at every getting, I send it out printed on cotten with a calogne-laced envelope.

      According to Joel's article, there's two reasons why he wouldn't consider you for a job if you did that. First:

      If you don't have the right qualifications, don't apply for the job. When the job listing says "summer intern," don't ask for a full time job. You're not going to get it and you're just going to waste your time. (It won't count against you in the future, of course, because your original application was deleted so quickly I'll have no memory of you when we do get a full time opening and you apply for it.)

      And second:

      Study the directions that are given for how to apply. They are there for a reason. For example our website instructs you to send a resume to jobs@fogcreek.com. This goes into an email folder which we go through to find good candidates. If you think for some reason that your resume will get more attention if you print it out and send it through the mail, that you'll "stand out" somehow, disabuse yourself of that notion. Paper resumes can't get into the email folder we're using to keep track of applicants unless we scan them in, and, you know what? The scanner is right next to the shredder in my office and the shredder is easier to use.

      I've known career counselors that have told me to do the same things you've described, but I have to admit Joel is making a lot of sense here. His company runs on very few employees, and he's always been extremely selective, so perhaps his hiring process is not the norm. However, in these times when every employer is getting hundreds of resumes for even the lowliest position, they can afford to be every bit as selective (some might say arbitrary) in their hiring processes.

      Let the content of your resume do the talking, not the presentation. Follow the instructions the employer gives for applying, and proofread your application several times for clarity and spelling. Beyond that, there's not much you could that that would serve any purpose beyond annoying a potential employer. IANAHM, though. Just a schmuck who recently landed a job.

        • by gorfie (700458) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:21PM (#8089283)
          If the job requires some Perl and some Perl is not on your resume, you will be weeded out. There will be applicants with some Perl and you won't be one of them. You might get by if it is a preferred skill, but they would just post it again if they really wanted that skill.

          The real solution is to learn some Perl before you apply, even if it is only a few hours of experience. With me I kept seeing jobs requiring applicants with experience in X. I ended up setting up my own little IT department at home and I spent some time learning how to use X. If you want to be honest on your resume, say proficient in A, B, and C and then some experience with X, Y, and Z. Everybody, even the recruiter, knows that some experience could be a 1 hour class or a year of working experience. Hopefully they'll choose to clear it up in the interview (be honest if they ask).
    • by Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:47AM (#8088787) Homepage
      Yes. And these same hiring authorities are the ones asking for 15 years of "enterprise" level Java, C++, Python, and .NET (!) experience, Win2000 Server, IIS, Exchange Server, ISA Server, Blew, Blew, Blew... And all this for Junior Software Developer...

      So, it's amazing this skill set is not available, because now they'll have to export the job offshore where apparently all the IT workers have this skill set.

      Honestly, I'm surprised people look at cover letters at all, it's all fluff anyway.

    • by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) (613870) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:59AM (#8088966) Journal
      ...after sending out 6000 resumes and cover letters...
      ...most people realize that it's time to consider a slightly different career.
      • by Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:51AM (#8088829) Homepage
        A cologne-laced envelope

        Humor Challenged. But don't worry, you'll go far in Management...

      • by MillionthMonkey (240664) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:25PM (#8089334)
        I myself am allergic to many perfumes, as are most members on both sides of my family.

        Sending a perfumed resume is never a good idea. Many possible employers are allergic to perfumes. It's the perogative of the smart job-hunter to find a substance with a strong, memorable odor that nobody is allergic to and that will create a strong impression. This also must be cheap and easy to obtain on a job-seeker's limited budget, since you may be sending it to many people.

        Once you have succeeded in filling a small cardboard box with such a material, print multiple copies of your resume and tape these to the box, covering it. Set the box on the employer's doorstep, light it on fire, and run away. This is a sure way for your resume to garner some attention.

      • by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 26 2004, @12:11PM (#8089123)
        That's horrible advice. People who are not constantly hitting the pavement when they are out of work will stay out of work. For every 200 jobs which you are perfectly suited to, you will be filtered out of even being considered by arbitrary HR decisions for 199 of them. Apply for three of four a month, and that one job that calls you in for an interview just might come up right away, if you are very, very lucky, but I would not reccomend counting on it.

        No job I've gotten has ever come from following up on an advertisment, anyway. They all came from networking. In each case, somebody at the company reccomended me to a hiring manager, and I sent a simple resume with nothing more than an e-mail talking about why I think I would be right for the job (and vice versa) instead of a cover letter.

        Stay in touch with people you enjoy working with, even after changing jobs. That's the best advice anybody can give you. If you have connections, you will never need to mess with all this "what is the right way to write a cover letter?" nonsense, because any hiring manager who has already been out for a beer with you is not going to care about that B.S. any more than you do.

        • by datababe72 (244918) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:45PM (#8089659)
          The comment about networking is dead on.

          I've ranted, er, posted, about this in the past. Geeks need to learn how to network! The crap IT guys know how to network, and that's how they end up getting the jobs for which the real geeks are far more qualified.

          Networking does NOT mean calling up everyone you know and asking them for a job.

          Networking means that you:
          1. Spend time developing a good 30 second description about the type of job you want and why you will be good at it.

          2. Make a list of people you know who might know something about the jobs you want OR know someone else who knows something about the jobs you want.

          3. Contact these people, give them your SHORT description of what you're looking for, and ask them if they have any advice or know anyone else that you should talk to. If you hat making cold calls, e-mail is fine for the initial contact. Just make it short, to the point, and use the spell checker.

          4. Since you didn't waste their time or make them feel uncomfortable by asking for a job, they are likely to refer you to people they know.

          5. Repeat as necessary.

          This really works. I have gotten every job I've ever had via networking. The parent post is right: once you have an "in", you don't have to agonize so much over the cover letter. Your time is far better spent on networking than on sending out hundreds of resumes to every company you think might possibly hire you.

          If you're fresh out of school and don't have many contacts yet... try your alumni association. Really. I occasionally get contacted from my alumni association, and I'm always happy to try to help. Heck, some weeks, if it gives me an excuse to get out of the office and have a nice lunch, I'd give job hunting advice to my arch enemy. I'll certainly do it for some kid fresh out of school, and I'll probably even pay for lunch.

        • by The Tyro (247333) on Monday January 26 2004, @01:10PM (#8090003)
          It works in other fields as well.

          It's not just the trite "it's not what you know, it's who you know" philosophy... it goes deeper than that.

          What can distinguish you from the clamoring masses, all wanting the same job or position? Personal recommendation... all the way. This is partially how I got a residency slot I wanted, and my current medical job.

          I was offered a residency slot based on my qualifications, but also because a department chairman at my medical school was personal friends with the department chairman at the residency site. A letter of recommendation and a phone call later, and the residency site chairman personally came to my interview, asked for me by name out of a room full of faceless medical students (talk about some envious glances... competition can be cutthroat in medicine), thanked me for applying, and told me to thanks his buddy for calling ahead (I knew about the letter, but that was the first I knew of the phone call).

          My current job was offered to me long after I applied... my current director approached a mutual acquaintance from my residency program, and asked him about me. His response? "pure gold... you should hire him yesterday." (I don't know about that "pure gold" part... he may have oversold me a bit...).

          The point remains... you can be qualified and never be hired if you get lost in the resume` shuffle... but that networking, word-of-mouth contact is money in the bank.

          Also, the employer is understandably hedging his bets by not hiring someone sight-unseen, who may or may not play well with others, who may or may not be dishonest, etc, etc... personal confirmation of a person's claimed credentials/ability is key. And for those of you who think this is somehow wrong, we're talking about a good word from a friend, not someone's daddy getting him a job that he's totally unqualified to do. I despise nepotism as much as anyone.

          Never, never underestimate the value of a friend...
        • Don't apply for too many jobs. I don't think there's ever a reason to apply for more than three or four jobs at a time. Resumespam, or any sign that you're applying for 100 jobs, just makes you look desperate which makes you look unqualified.
          That's horrible advice. People who are not constantly hitting the pavement when they are out of work will stay out of work. For every 200 jobs which you are perfectly suited to, you will be filtered out of even being considered by arbitrary HR decisions for 199 of them. Apply for three of four a month, and that one job that calls you in for an interview just might come up right away, if you are very, very lucky, but I would not reccomend counting on it.

          I suspect that Mr. Spolsky might have poorly stated his case. Applying for dozens or hundreds of different jobs at the same large employer does look bad--or at least really, really desperate. Your resume is going to get binned becuase they figure if you're too lazy to figure out which positions at a company might be appropriate for you, they're certainly not going to do it for you.

          If he did mean to suggest one should only apply for three or four jobs total at a time...yes, that's poor advice for most of us. If you're extremely senior or have very specialized skills that are genuinely in demand then you can afford to be picky--shotgunning resumes looks very unprofessional, even desperate. Besides, someone who is looking for work at that high a level probably shouldn't be doing it without professional help. Wannabe CEOs/CIOs/CFOs don't usually send a form letter out to hundreds of companies.

          Still, it's certainly good form to appear to only be sending out a few resumes. Creating the appearance of confidence is good. A custom cover letter for each job at each employer can help tremendously, if only by drawing attention to the key points of your standard resume. Be short, sweet, and to the point. Construct it out out of a pool of boilerplate sentences if you like, but at least change more than the company name at the top. This is particularly important if you apply to more than one job at the same employer--identical cover letters for different jobs is poor packaging. It looks rather lazy if the same HR department screens both resumes.

          The great-grandparent poster complained that his experiences have "led me to believe that spending a great deal of time on each application/resume/cover letter I send out for Yet Another Job Opening would consume an amount of time equivelent to a full-time job". Well, yes. Finding a job is a job! You have to work at it. It's a skillset that (hopefully) you don't use very often, so you have to work harder at it than you think! When you get a job, you're going to spend the bulk of your waking hours at it--why aren't you willing to invest the time in getting noticed by a worthwhile employer? Spending half an hour a day browsing Monster.com is a luxury to be enjoyed by the employed.

      • by RufusFish (253008) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:16PM (#8089184)
        I was interviewing an individual not too recently and in reply to a question about why our company and this position was interesting to him, he replied, 'I've been out of work for a year, I have a wife and three kids and we're hungry.'

        He fit most of the qualifications for the position fairly well, but that was the answer that swayed our interview team's vote. He's been an ideal employee since day 1.

        Exception? Probably, but his brutal honesty was what really threw the vote his direction over the other candidates.
    • by ergo98 (9391) on Monday January 26 2004, @11:44AM (#8088738) Homepage Journal
      Joel, as I'm sure you know, was one of the technical guys behind VBA in Excel, along with some other fairly big projects. He apparently made enough money from these gigs that he went off and started his own company [fogcreek.com], initially focusing on consulting (at the most unfortunate time to be in consulting...), and then moving into shrink wrap software. Apparently they're doing okay as they recently moved into a pretty impressive new office [joelonsoftware.com], still in swanky (and expensive) New York City.

      Joel is a big advocate of treating developers well, and is respected for generally being pragmatic and insightful, with a humorous writing style that is informative while remaining entertaining. On the flip side, a couple of his recent posts have been blatant quid-pro-quos with some friends of his, and he's selling out a bit with the Programmer's Paradise gig.

    • by moebius_4d (26199) on Monday January 26 2004, @12:13PM (#8089149) Journal
      Why is it a racist remark?

      Indians aren't a race. They are a nationality. There are a wide variety of ethnicities in India.

      To point out that a large number have in common a particular grammatical mistake isn't racist. It's just observation.

      "Stupid Indians" might be getting closer - at least it's prejudice of some sort.

      There are a lot of problems that could be solved more easily if there wasn't always someone jumping out to call "racist" anytime someone points out a statistical truth about a demographic. Hey, is it racist to say that American Jews are better educated than the general population? No? Then how can it be racist to say that American blacks are less well-educated than the general population? If we can't even say it out loud, how can we solve it?

      If Joel can't tell his Indian candidates (albeit in a somewhat snotty way), hey, I pay attention to grammar and punctuation, so don't give me a resume that looks like you pasted it from AIM, than how are they going to learn that his standards, and those of American employers generally, may differ from the standards to which they are accustomed?

    • by iSwitched (609716) on Monday January 26 2004, @01:24PM (#8090247)

      ...Hey,

      Congrats on a VERY successful Karma-whore. +5 insightful, very well done. When I originally wrote it, it only got +4, informative.

      Just in case anyone else cares, however, I posted this comment originally in response to "Have You Personally Used an Honest Head Hunter?" on September 30, under the subject line "Guess I've been lucky..."

      All in all, this doesn't bother me too much, I figure you know you've "arrived" on /. when the whores start plagarizing your comments.

      Rock on!