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9 Reasons Why Developers Think the CIO Is Clueless
Posted by
CmdrTaco
on Tue Jul 01, 2008 05:51 PM
from the wearing-underwear-outside-pants-doesn't-help dept.
from the wearing-underwear-outside-pants-doesn't-help dept.
Esther Schindler writes "Finally, a Forrester analyst who understands the attitudes of software developers. Mike Gualtieri identifies nine behaviors managers need to steer clear of or risk being labeled 'clueless' — from control freak tendencies to being a vendor puppet. My favorite, however, is point #8: 'the CIO collaborates to death,' in which Gualtieri opines, 'And, if you never watched Star Trek then you shouldn't even be a CIO.'"
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Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Insightful)
If you are called a 'CIO' then you are pretty much guaranteed to be an idiot. WTF is an 'Information Officer' anyway, and how can you be the chief one if there are no others? What is wrong with being head of the IT department? It doesn't sound as swanky, which is surely a good thing, reminding you that IT is there to serve the rest of the business.
Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Funny)
What is wrong with being head of the IT department?
It doesn't pay as well, for one thing.
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Funny)
What is wrong with being head of the IT department?
It doesn't pay as well, for one thing.
Amazingly (from an anatomical perspective), as a CxO you can be both the head and a dick at the same time.
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Insightful)
As CIO, you are not there just to serve the rest of the business, but to drive it in the technological direction, or to steer it in the direction that best matches your technical capabilities. A "manager" level or "head of IT" person is in only a reactive position, having influence only over his or her pyramid, and does not rise to the corporate executive level.
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:4, Funny)
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:4, Insightful)
But yeah, once you leave that post, it's likely that you'll be viewed as "overqualified" (pronounced O'ver-paid') by other firms, and you'd better have a decent benefits package.
Unless you've somehow became famous for your firm's innovations. That's much more visible with CEOs than CIOs, but I suppose that CIOs probably have their elite stars, too.
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Informative)
The CIO is just where the tech buck stops in some companies. Positions like CFO and CEO are older, but CIO and CTO were created to have someone at the officer level (legally) that can act as a representative of the company in such matters as pertain to technology and synergisms, at least going forward (OK that last part was a bit much). It's someone who can stand in front of the CEO and explain why the data center was overrun by a squad of ninjas (OK I'll stop now).
It's really not much different than "VP of Technology" and titles like that.
And I know a few good ones, so no, I don't think they're all emotionally challenged, at least not in relation to other people at officer-level positions I tend to meet.
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Re:Even the job title is clueless (Score:5, Funny)
explain why the data center was overrun by a squad of ninjas
CEO: Wait. Let me get this straight. Our website was offline -- costing us forty zillion dollars per nanosecond -- because the data centre was overrun by ninjas?
CIO: Yes, that's exactly right, sir. You see-
CEO: (interrupting) So with the 200 billion dollar budget we allocated you -- and which you spent every last cent of, might I add -- you somehow forgot to provide adequate physical security for the facility?
CIO: Well, no sir, we had 24/7 security -- both humans and robots -- biometric scanners, 14 inch reinforced steel and concrete walls in 7 concentric rings, blast-proof doors, a five factor authentication sys-
CEO: (interrupting again) So then, what you're saying, Mr Fancy Pants CIO, is that you misspent a two hundred million dollar budget on ineffective security measures for our most important computing facility?
CIO: Well, no not really sir, the security of the facility is second to none - there has never been a breach of even the first layer of security in the last 7 years, not even the Ru-
CEO: (interrupting, shouting, spraying the CIO with saliva) SO HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN OUR WEBSITE BEING DOWN FOR OVER 8 HOURS DUE TO THE PHYSICAL SECURITY HAVING BEING BREACHED?
CIO: Well sir, it's like this. Ninjas are awesome. Like, really freaking awesome.
CEO: (the anger immediately leaves his face as he regains his composure) Oh. I see. You're right, ninjas are really freaking awesome. Nothing could have prevented this. Good job.
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9 Reasons Why Developers KNOW the CIO Is Clueless (Score:5, Funny)
s/think.KNOW/gi;
There, fixed it for you.
If we only THOUGHT the CIO was clueless, that would be a different story. too many businesses are like septic tanks - the really big chunks (the floaters) rise to the top.
So remember, children, high visibility isn't necessarily a good thing. It might mean you're just full of shit.
Coder: "How tall are you?"
CIO: "6.1"
Coder: "Gee, they're piling shit higher nowadays."
Re:9 Reasons Why Developers KNOW the CIO Is Cluele (Score:5, Funny)
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10 (was 9) Reasons Why Devs KNOW the Clueless (Score:5, Funny)
10: No sense of humour.
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Re:10 (was 9) Reasons Why Devs KNOW the Clueless (Score:5, Funny)
20: GOTO 10
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Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Too many assumptions. (Score:4, Funny)
#1. That the CIO could recognize documentation if he saw it (mine cannot).
#2. That the CIO would check that people were following the policy to maintain the documention (mine does not).
#3. That the CIO knows what the mission-critical functions are (mine cannot tell the difference between the email app running on his workstation and NAS).
I was told to find the "problem" on the "network" because one of our programmers was having trouble opening MS Word documents and he told the CIO who remembered that there had been a time about a week or so ago when his email app was very slow. Therefore, it must be a network problem. Go find the network problem. Stop telling him that there isn't one.
The pay is good and I can walk to work AND there is almost no oversight. I can work on what I want the way I want. Except for the times when the CIO feels the need to exercise his authority.
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Re:9 Reasons Why Developers KNOW the CIO Is Cluele (Score:5, Funny)
s/think.KNOW/gi;
Substitution replacement not terminated at line 1.
Not much of a fix.
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Tap an Ethernet Cable? (Score:5, Funny)
First he says don't be a dinosaur, then he starts talking about tapping Ethernet cables.
The last time I tapped an Ethernet cable, my buddy was throwing 9-track tapes at the dinosaurs to keep them away!
Re:Tap an Ethernet Cable? (Score:5, Funny)
The last time I tapped an Ethernet cable, my buddy was throwing 9-track tapes at the dinosaurs to keep them away!
Look, you take an IT job at Jurassic Park, you gotta expect things like that. Chaos theory and all that.
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Re:Tap an Ethernet Cable? (Score:5, Funny)
"Oh yeah. That's what I'm talking about!"
"I'd tap it."
"Hell yeah, I'd tap it! I'd tap every day and twice on Sundays!"
"Yep."
"Yeah."
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Bad Assumptions (Score:5, Insightful)
Also, point 4 in the article is going to be interpreted by any CIOs who do care as "be sure to stay current with all the hot buzzwords". Developers will see through most attempts at this instantly.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
And this is where you see the difference between a good and a bad CIO. A CIO has to navigate the fine balance between being "geeky" and being ... umm ... what's the term for someone who hangs out with suits?
He needs the respect from the senior officers or he won't get any of his ideas past the board, no matter how good they are or how much they would push the company ahead. At the same time, he must not become a suit or he loses any respect from his coders. I think I'm not the only "geek" that learned to id
CIO role (Score:5, Insightful)
The problem is, in many companies, the role of the CIO is pretty nebulous.
It gets further confusing when you have both a CIO and a CTO. When you don't, the CIO has to fill both roles, which are often at odds.
The way I see it...
The CTO is responsible for understanding, predicting, and planning technology.
The CIO is responsible for ensuring that the technology in use by and acquired for the company is in the best interests of the company (and its shareholders, if applicable).
CIOs are typically from a financial background, as at the end of the day their primary responsibility is to the business units that fund the technology. It isn't about the latest, flashiest, or even best gadgets - it's about meeting the needs of the business units while spending the least amount of money to do so. Unfortunately, this often leaves us (the geeks) on the short end of the stick. And perhaps worse, with the financial focus of the average CIO, they often fail to understand where a reasonable investment in technology can save them money over time. Since the typical CIO is only in their position for a few years, they don't have a lot of time for investments to pay off. Cut costs today, and let the next guy fix the mess they've made.
Re:CIO role (Score:5, Informative)
In all seriousness, the proper role of a CIO is to ensure that the proper information (the "I") is delivered to the people who need it in the least expensive and fastest manner possible.
Period.
It doesn't matter if that info comes in via computer, iPhone, or carrier pigeon. Just that the people have what they need when they need it, at the lowest possible cost.
A CTO has the task of picking the technology that makes that possible.
A CFO has to look at the real numbers and move them from column "A" to column "B" such that profit is maximized and cost is minimized. Without committing a felony in the process.
The CEO has to figure out WTF all the other CxOs are doing, try to watch the outside world, and figure out a plan that maximizes his paycheck without pissing off shareholders, getting sued into oblivion, prosecuted (see CFO), or committing a felony that he can't pawn off to the CFO. All while being liable for both mistakes and lies of the other CxO's under him.
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CTO? (Score:5, Insightful)
Maybe I'm just old hat, but I thought the role of a CTO was to deal with the.. uh.. technology. As in, for companies that actually develop technology. And the CIO does the IT.
As I recall, "CIO" was popularized by the dot-com companies, and immediately thereafter, since they needed as many C**s on staff as possible to get their VC funding, decided that a CTO was needed too, even though their business was selling pimento loaves on the e-web. So then it became just a great big alphabet soup with everyone squabbling over what their all important title should be. (Yes, I have worked in such an environment more than once).
I think the most obvious mark of a doomed startup is when people get completely hung up on establishing the org chart before the company has even made a dime in revenue. I realize it's basic human (/animal) nature to have to get the pecking order establish first and foremost. However when the title itself is the result of such as clueless and counterproductive process - and indeed, a throwback to such a clueless era as the dot com days, it's hard to see how you could expect your underlings could bestow any credibility on it.
I realize I may have offend any CIOs in the audience, but that's not the intent. My point is not personal - what I'm saying is just that if you're good at your job and still getting no respect, perhaps a less "tainted" title is in order.
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Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
IT People say: "Stupid Finance doesn't see the savings from investing in IT"
So, finance invests in IT in a project for $3M thats supposed to generate $5M in savings.
Then, a year later, IT people leave, new people arrive and demand the system be upgraded for $3M more.
Finance says: "No."
IT People say: "Stupid Finance doesn't see the savings from investing in IT"
See, I can paint with a broad brush too.
There's a lot of truth in this (Score:4, Interesting)
I've reported directly to a couple of CIO's in a couple of different organizations. In both instances they were petty, clueless people. On the other hand, I've had customers whose CIO's were not so bad and seemed to have a good grasp. I don't think there is a one size fits all answer to this one, but it's true that quite a few of the CIO's I've interacted with have been what I would kindly call clueless idiots.
Then again, they were smart enough to somehow get that high paying gig, so go figure. Many times though it's not what you know, it's who you know.
What about ... (Score:3, Funny)
... "finds far too many ways to use the word 'Synergy'" - is that on the list, or anything involving corporatespeak?
The Full List (Score:5, Informative)
Well, this is timely (Score:5, Funny)
I was just offered a CIO position this am, we're negotiating the start date. Too funny.
And, if you never watched Star Trek then you shouldn't even be a CIO.
Whew, got that one covered. Scotty! I..need...that...data center power. And I'll preface all my emails with a Stardate.
Stop thinking about your golf game.
D'oh! How did he know that?
Guess I'll find out if this is better than running my own consulting gig. All those times I shook my head wondering how people so clueless got into decision making positions, karma comes around. All those times I suggested a better way to have it ignored. Not anymore. It's an interesting feeling.
Vendors are a problem. Relentlessly annoying. Going to have to come up with a system to keep them from bothering me all day.
Re:Well, this is timely (Score:5, Insightful)
My thought for the day: Your staff is there to educate you. You will be too busy to keep up, and to do all your own filtering and analysis. Make sure they know it is their job to keep you up to date on things that matter.
My favorite meeting moment: Boss steps into my cube for 1-on-1 meeting. I fire up a demo of a new technology I think he should see. Boss: "I just got out of a 1-on-1 with the general manager! He asked me what I knew about this and if I had started a project on it! I had to tell him I had never heard of it. Why didn't you show me sooner?" Me: "You're the one that rescheduled our 1-on-1 3 times this week."
The great thing about having a staff is the astronomical amount of information you can learn from them. Their job is to find and filter it. Your job is to make decisions with it.
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Re:Well, this is timely (Score:5, Interesting)
"Vendors are a problem. Relentlessly annoying. Going to have to come up with a system to keep them from bothering me all day."
Do what they did at a previous job of mine appoint a "Procurement Advisor".
Basically, when the secretary announce that "Bill from Wonderful widgets is here", Our Boss would say "Tell him the Procurement Advisor is on his way up." Then check to see who's available, and send him. (We were all briefed on the procedure, but good BSers were prime pickings for Procurement Advisor.)
PA of the day would then meet with Bill in an available office/conference room/whatever and listen, nod, and accept freebies.
Then when Bill tries to close the deal, say "I'm just the Procurement Advisor, I'm not authorized to make this decision, but I will pass my recommendations up the chain. Thank you for your time."
Some weasel.. er, vendors caught on after awhile and tried to circumvent the system. They were politely, but firmly told "I'm afraid you'll have to talk to our Procurement Advisor, this is his job."
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Don't ever lose your sense of humor, man! (Score:4, Insightful)
You won't even have to break the ice the first time you meet a client. It sounds nuts, but sane solutions don't solve problems and get great results. They become political and accounting decisions if left rational for too long. As for the vendors, make them fear you by telling them to have free hardware dropped off to your tech guys to play with before you even consider making a purchasing decision. After all, if this wacky device is nearly as great as they say, the geeks'll love it! Also, Cisco and Sun were kind enough to give you a full rack to play with for a few months.
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Where I worked at - CIO was a control freak (Score:5, Interesting)
When he took over when he was an Army Colonel, he cracked down on various items. When he retired from the Army, a slot was made for him to remain there. Below are the list of various items he did:
On the dress code aspect, when he took over as colonel, he made an example out of a couple of Sys Admins when they showed to a meeting in blue jeans and sandals. He had them fired on the spot and escorted of the premises and off the base. A friend who worked there prior to when he showed up mentioned the place was fun to work at. When he did nights and weekends, they didn't care if you showed up dressed for comfort. When the colonel showed up that changed ! He also took away the traditional Hawaiian Shirt Friday as well. He also cracked down on people who left early on Friday, another "tradition" in the DoD contracting world.
When the colonel took over, he didn't consider the culture of the place at the time plus the culture of Colorado which is considered very casual like in dress. One thing not mentioned until now, his additional degrees are from East Coast schools like U. of Virginia. With formal rules being more important than getting the job done, the dynamic changed for the worst. I really don't to go back to that facility as long as he is there. I still keep in contact with some people who still work there. One day, there was a water problem where all the bathrooms were shutdown but people were told they could NOT leave for home early and to keep working. The basement of the building has been converted to "cube farms" from basically storage. One thing not included was more bathrooms. Even for the men you have to wait 5 or 10 minutes for a toilet stall to open up. A lot of times there are several people waiting for each stall. Complaints have so far been ignored.
I can fully relate to this! (Score:4, Informative)
EVERY one of these damn reasons applies to my CIO. And I am my own one-man company!
Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Informative)
Chief Information Officer
CEO: Chief Executive Officer
CFO: Chief Financial Officer
CxO terms are pretty common for the top level in larger corporations.
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
Chief Information Officer
CEO: Chief Executive Officer
CFO: Chief Financial Officer
CxO terms are pretty common for the top level in larger corporations.
CTO: Chief Technology Officer
COO: Chief Operating Officer
All equal to:
CYO: Cover Your Own _____
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Re: (Score:3, Funny)
CYO: Cover Your Own _____
which is an eloquent version of the CYA, which stands for Cover Your Ass. The two are interchangeable.
Slashdot has dedicated entire articles to the CYO/CYA, and they are very informative.
Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
C3P0
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
COO: Chief Operating Officer (usually a doctor)
CTO: Chair Throwing Officer (usually a Ballmer)
EIO: Chief Farming Officer (usually Old McDonald)
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:4, Informative)
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
That's what happens when the article is in CIO magazine. They tend to start making assumptions about what you know about CIOs.
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:4, Insightful)
The same as any C?O. Some guy that has a foggy idea what his ? is, but isn't good enough to be actually working but yet can't be fired for some odd reason.
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:5, Funny)
Chief Insult Officer, that's me.
"Go snort a moose, you snorkel-bleaching thimble monger!"
That's why I get paid the big bucks.
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Your CIO is clueless if .... (Score:5, Funny)
Top three signs:
1 - CIO reads magazine articles equating "Ruby on Rails" and "multicore programming" in the same sentence,
then proceeds to plan new projects with a vision towards "massively distributed MVC, ROR, multicore Web 2.0 social applications",
(code word for slow ruby websites that seem developed by drunken monkeys).
2 - Follows advice regarding "Your ability to talk tech will go a long way to earning the respect of application development professionals."
Usually developers have close to zero tolerance for the inane utterances ("talking tech") of managerial staff,
or as it is call in technical terms, "bullsh!t".
3 - Reads articles that use dehumanizing terms to refer to technical staff ("resources"),
then proceeds to use them to form akward "complimentary" sentences:
"Bob, you are by far my most leveraged, hyper-synergic resource".
- Bonus: CIO fires the company's most experienced engineers, hires an all-Kazakhstani team,
which after six months of working without a formal design produces hundreds of slideshows
that are demoed to customers on MacOSX, extra points if shown on spanking new MacBook Airs.
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From my experience... (Score:5, Interesting)
From my experience, when someone seems clueless or illogical, it's just that they're not saying which problem they're really trying to solve.
E.g., if I were to come and say that my team needs a pony, and it would be great for team morale, and double as company car too, you might think, "WTF? Is he that retarded? Who rides a pony through town to a meeting with the customers?" The issue is that I'm not solving the problem I'm claiming to. The real problem might be that my daughter wants a pony, and I figure, maybe the company can pay for it. But of course, now I can't go to a management meeting and say, "I want the company to buy my daughter a pony." So now I'll work backwards from the solution I wish ("the company should buy a pony that I can use") to an acceptable problem it would solve (e.g., "we need environmentally friendly transportation!") And maybe I already have a second phase of that plan in mind, but I'm not telling it to you yet, either.
The same applies to a lot of seemingly retarded managers. It may be just that they're not solving the problem you think, or that their job title says they should solve.
E.g., if he comes up with a vision towards "massively distributed MVC, ROR, multicore Web 2.0 social applications", maybe really he's just trying to play bullshit bingo with the CEO or the investors. You're not the one he's trying to impress, the guy signing his paycheck is.
Or maybe he's got a second phase in mind too, like that next he'll need more hardware for that, and he's already bribed by some vendor. Or that he already knows which graphics company he wants to outsource some of that to and what bribe he'll get.
Literally, I've seen one project where their visionary wanted to have at least 1MB graphics in an applet, and that was back in the dialup and ISDN days, just because his best buddy had a graphics design company, and he wanted to outsource those graphics to that. Corruption by any other name, but there you go.
Or maybe he just wants more budget and a bigger team under him, because that raises his perceived status and importance.
Or maybe he just wants to be able to keep the current team, in the face of some retarded budget allocation which would otherwise have him fire everyone now because there are no projects in the pipeline for July, only to re-hire them in August when the next projects kick in. So he's creating some grand task as some make-work solution.
Or maybe he's just strategically gaming the budget rules in advance. In a lot of places they have retarded processes like that if you didn't use all your budget this year, you get a budget cut next year. So people end up turning the heating on in March, because the winter was mild and otherwise they'd get no heating budget next year, when maybe the winter will be worse. Same here. You don't really know what you'll have to do next year, so you essentially have to burn some money in advance to be sure you'll get a budget for it next year. A case of "massively distributed MVC, ROR, multicore Web 2.0 social applications" is something so overachieving and nebulous that it can burn any amount of money you want it to burn.
Etc.
Firing everyone competent and hiring the cheapest burger flippers, well, again I've seen it done for strategic reasons.
E.g., because with the same budget you can have more people under you, which raises your own status. And some places also have rules for what your job title and/or salary can be, based on the number of people under you. Ok, it wasn't at CEO level, but I do know someone who raised from a minor team leader to mid-level manager just by having his team inflate like a blowfish. He kept hiring incompetents and still needing more... and got rewarded for it.
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Re:From my experience... (Score:4, Informative)
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Re:Ok, first off: (Score:4, Funny)
It stands for "Can't Install Oracle". Alternatively, it stands for "Can Install Oracle".
It's a close call which is worse.
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Re:they have to be idiots (Score:5, Insightful)
You obviously aren't someone who receives a lot of these 'professional' magazines. Almost all of these are 'free' mailings from groups who make their money by stuffing the zine with as many ads as can fit on the pages. And like this particular article most are filled with a combination of completely obvious statements or a load of BS written by people who have never actually dealt with the matter at hand.
"Really, you made it to the title of CIO and you haven't figured out that vendors lie?"
"Really, you made it to the title of CIO and need a magazine to tell you that you need to manage your team as people and not faceless units?"
"Really? No, really?"
At my old job someone appearently hated me and slipped my name to a number of these outfits as a "Web Master". They make good "oohh, look how well read he is" decor if you leave them all over your desk and someone clueless walks by, but that's about all they are good for. Most of the time the paper isn't even easily recyclable.
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Re: (Score:3, Informative)
8. The CIO collaborates to death. Whether it is the character flaw of being indecisive or some middle-school notion of democracy, you are in charge. Collaboration is critical, but you also need to make the right decision at the right time. Collaborate like Captain Kirk. "Spock?" "Bones?" He gets opinions from his experts but there is never any question about who will make the final decision. And, if you never watched Star Trek then you shouldn't even be a CIO.
Re:Star Trek? (Score:4, Interesting)
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