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Java Programming

CPAN Shifts Focus 220

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the java-means-quality-if-you're-on-crack dept.
cascadefx writes "Looks like CPAN has changed its focus to support Java now. A look at their page shows that is is now CJAN, the Comprehensive Java Archive Network where you will find all things Java." This should be a great boon to Java, a language renown for, well, sucking. But at the expense of the greatest of all languages? It's just too sad for me to express in words. I mean, who uses java anyway?
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CPAN Shifts Focus

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  • fp (Score:4, Funny)

    by propstoalldeadhomiez (444303) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:25PM (#3267086) Homepage
    fp

    can you say "hat trick" you stupid banned AC bitches? b00yah!
    • OH MY GOD (Score:3, Insightful)

      by sinserve (455889)
      That was a troll fp, moded to +2 insightful?

      Moderators DO have a sense of humor.

      Props to all the fine trolls, and the not so fine ones.
  • make it stop! (Score:4, Insightful)

    by SnicklesTheElf (312850) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:26PM (#3267090) Homepage
    please god make it stop!!
    • Re:make it stop! (Score:2, Informative)

      by ywwg (20925)
      seriously guys, shut up already. NOT FUNNY.
    • Note that such jokes can only fool those who think that it's so easy to kill an open source project like CPAN. Obviously Slashdot editors think that everybody with a clue has switched to better sites already.
    • Re:make it stop! (Score:4, Insightful)

      by majcher (26219) <slashdot@majcher. c o m> on Monday April 01, 2002 @05:30PM (#3267441) Homepage
      I agree. A good April Fool's gag should be clever and subtle, and make you actually stop to think, "Wait, I know it's April 1st, but is this real, or not?" Wil Wheaton's posting about his new role on Enterprise just about fits that - it's entirely plausible, and could quite possibly be true. Overall, though, this year's offerings have been lame and sad.

      Of course, if Taco had any cojones on him at all, one of these years, he'd just redirect the front page to a certain site [goatse.cx] for 24 hours...
      • Now that would be funny. I think that's the best thing I've read on /. all day...

        thanks
      • Actually this did get me, I hit perl.com a little while before I saw this story, clicked on CPAN and got a little confused. I figured there actually was a CJAN and someone screwed up some links ;). Clicking through though you end up where you're supposed to, heh.
  • if it is unexpected?
  • Now I can ensure that my mad Java Kung-Fu will be recongized by the rest of the civilized world
  • Who uses java. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by duffbeer703 (177751) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:27PM (#3267102)
    People who like to develop large distributed applications written by multiple people easy to understand.

    Slashcode is/was a perfect example of how easy it is to make Perl unreadable.

    • by Reality Master 101 (179095) <RealityMaster101&gmail,com> on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:30PM (#3267120) Homepage Journal

      Who uses java?

      People who don't need an unsigned data type.

      • People who don't need an unsigned data type.

        Actually, Java's primitive type char is an unsigned 16 bit integer type [sun.com]. It can store integers between 0 and 65535.
    • Re:Who uses java. (Score:2, Interesting)

      Certainly not people who want intelligent APIs (try converting a string to an int or vice-versa). Certainly not people who need to overload operators for the sake of code-readability (but sun can override them for their string class - nazis). Certainly not anyone who values performance. And certainly not anyone who isn't stuck in academia with their head up their butt. Java is on its way out, and I'm kickin it in the butt as it goes. Java Sucks!!
      • (try converting a string to an int or vice-versa)

        Ummm...
        String s = "45";
        int i = Integer.parseInt(s);
        System.out.println("" + i);


        From string to integer and back again. What was the hard part again?

        And in case you're wondering,

        cout << "hello";

        Is not readable. "<<" is the shift operator. Operator overloading in C++ means "operators don't mean a thing, you have no gaurantees".

        Further, Java is the fastest growing, probably widest deployed enterprise platform around. That means a lot of people not in academia.
  • ... or we will see the first military action by Perl coders in a while.
  • (-1) Troll (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Dr Caleb (121505) <thedarkknight@nOSPaM.hushmail.com> on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:28PM (#3267113) Homepage Journal
    I mean, who
    uses java anyway?

    It's true! The editors are trolling us now!

  • Revenge? (Score:4, Funny)

    by twoflower (24166) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:29PM (#3267118)
    Is this Hemos' revenge on Taco?
  • The ODP has a link to the following article [dmoz.org] displayed prominently on their front page: [dmoz.org]

    MSN Delivers Another Brick in "the Wall"

    The Gates Open Directory Now Offers a Simpler More Unified Copyright Ownership Model.


    REDMOND, Wash. -- April 1, 2002 -- The MSN® network of Internet services, with more than 270 billion unique reboots worldwide, today announced the addition of the Gates Open Directory (GOD), formerly known as the Open Directory Project. The Gates Open Directory is part of Microsoft's vision to simplify copyright on the Internet by buying all copyrighted material. Once this goal is achieved Microsoft will be the single clearinghouse for all intellectual property, in effect streamlining the current legal bureaucracy surrounding patent and copyright suits by eliminating the need for costly lawsuits. If someone thinks they own intellectual property, they can submit it directly to Microsoft via the Web at http://www.msn.com/ or at any one of the MSN worldwide sites located at http://www.msn.com/worldwide.ashx.

    Rich Skrenta, co-founder of the Open Directory Project, believes that "the Gates Open Directory was inevitable, so why fight it?" Bill Gates, future owner of all things ownable, concurs: "Resistance is futile."

    The current staff of Open Directory Project is being replaced by an Artificial Intelligence developed at the Microsoft Research Lab. The A.I. was build on top of the original Microsoft Windows digital assistant "Clippy." Users of the Gates Open Directory interact directly with Clippy, who interprets the requests and carries out the user's wishes.

    Researchers believe that once the Gates Open Directory had been fully integrated into Clippy, it will become sentient. This project has been named codenamed "Sky," as in "the sky is the limit." Engineers are currently working on integrating project Sky with the latest Common Language Infrastructure and .Net. The combined project Sky.Net should be fully operational by the end of the year.

    Open Directory Employee, Bob Keating, will continue his service to the Directory by maintaining the mechanical relays and polishing the optical fiber that makes up the colossus that powers Clippy.

    Editors and contributors to the Directory are asked to stay calm and not to struggle. Clippy will find them and assimilate them.

    MSN causes more than 270 billion unique computer reboots worldwide per month. Available in 34 markets and 18 languages, MSN is a world leader in delivering Web services to consumers and digital marketing solutions to businesses worldwide. The most useful and innovative online service today, MSN brings consumers everything they need from the Web to make the most of their time online.

    About Microsoft

    Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in software, services and Internet technologies for personal and business computing. The company offers a wide range of products and services designed to empower people and llamas through great software -- inflatable or otherwise.

    Microsoft and MSN are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corp. in the United States and/or other countries.

    The names of actual companies and products mentioned herein may not yet be owned by Microsoft.

    Note to editors: If you are interested in viewing additional information on Microsoft, please visit the Microsoft Web page at http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/ on Microsoft's corporate information pages. Web links, telephone numbers and titles were correct at time of publication, but are competely different now since we changed our minds. We cheat at Battleship too.
  • It really sucks that we can't moderate the slashdot stories down. Doesn't anyone besides me do real work on April 1?

    Atleast there are no more stupid pigeon stories
  • It's pretty funny stuff, but there sure does seem to be a whole ton of nicely baited hooks floating around in cyberspace this April.
    I'm still waiting for the full Bill Gates confessional about his secret love affair with Larry Ellison.
  • turning off editor trolls and April Fools stories?
    if you programming for a living Taco, you'd never compare Java to Perl. apples and oranges.
    and please, can we get back to real news? this is lame
  • ...where they teach the audience that "anything that's not true is funny and anything that is true isn't funny."

    Man 1: "Ask me what I had for breakfast today."

    Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

    Man 1: "Waffles."

    Man 2: (pauses for a moment, then laughs)

    Man 1: "See? Now that's funny. I didn't have waffles today, I had eggs. Ask me again what I had for breakfast today."

    Man 2: "What did you have for breakfast today?"

    Man 1: "Eggs."

    Man 2: (blank stare)

    Man 1: "You see? I did have eggs for breakfast, hence saying I had eggs wasn't funny."

    etc.

    Yes, yes, these April Fool's articles aren't true, but that's not what makes fake articles funny... it's being fooled!

    mark
    • None of these are believable enough for the populace to be fooled.

      Except for, funnily enough, this one. The part in italics, anyway. I can believe a story about CPAN adding Java snippets to its library of code. I can even believe CPAN adding Java snippets in a really big way.

      Then the editor went and added a cheap troll, thereby ruining the illusion of believability. Speaking of which, the new Flair-run RAW show is premiering this Monday, 9:00 on the New TNN.</ad>

      Hey, whe added the new Slashvertisement Comment code to the CVS? *mutters*
  • by ackthpt (218170)
    From the page:

    Yours Eclectically, The Self-Appointed Master Librarian (OOK!) of the CJAN Jarkko Hietaniemi

    Care to guess what author he reads? :-)

  • by Zuna (317219) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:36PM (#3267158)
    Java really does suck. Just look at this latest press release...

    Mountain View, CA -- Sun Microsystems today filed a trademark infringement
    against the island of Java* over the use of Sun's Java* trademark.

    Responding to criticism that the island has been called Java* for
    centuries, Sun lawyer Frank Cheatham said "Yeah, and in all that time they
    never filed for a trademark. They deserve to lose the name."

    Rather than pay the licensing fee, the island decided to change its name.
    They originally voted to change it to Visu Albasic, but an angry telegram
    from Redmond, Washington convinced them otherwise. The country finally
    settled on a symbol for a name -- a neatly-colored coffee cup which still
    evokes the idea of java. Since most newspapers and magazines will not be
    able to print the name of the island, it will hereafter be referred to in
    print as "The Island Formerly Known As Java*".

    The Island Formerly Known As Java* bills itself as a cross-landmass island,
    but so far has only been implemented in production on the Malay
    Archipelago. Africa is been rumored to have implemented it on Madagascar,
    but it is still in alpha testing.

    Lawyers from Sun would also like to locate the owners of the huge fiery
    ball at the center of the solar system. They have some legal papers for
    them...

    *Java is a Trademark of Sun Microsystems, Inc. Anyone caught using the
    trademark without permission will be beaten, flogged, sued, and forced to
    use Microsoft products.

    (Taken from an old Usenet post.)
    • Check this [sun.com] out. What makes it really funny is that I think they are being serious about this. This is from the company that, only a year ago, "put the dot in dot com".

      Oh the times, they are a'changing. :)
    • Now, if that had been posted as an April's Fool story instead of a comment to a very lame one, I might at least have found a point for the whole April 1st on Slashdot idea this week.
  • Enough already!
  • How to program in the first place?
    I really can't imagine Senator Byrd (D-WV) and Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY) going at it over algorithms and what has better garbage collection utilities, C# or Java.
    My god, talk about gridlock...
  • No more CPAN? Okay, my heart attack was not going to be an April Fool's joke!

  • Slashdot [slashdot.org], a usually vibrant hotspot on the Internet for technical discussions, imploded due to the complete lack of content on Monday. Witnesses described a loud, sucking noise emanating from the once-intelligent gathering spot, stating that "once the pigeons flew overhead, we knew it was all over".

    Slashdot founder Rob Malda was unavailable for comment....
  • In a shocking move, the Slashdot network has finally conceded and have given in to com [slashdot.org] pla [slashdot.org] ints [slashdot.org] about the lack of quality programming.

    In the words of the leader Commander Taco, "I apologize for the brutality we have caused our fellow users to suffer. However, in all honesty, contrary to popular opinion it was CowboyNeal's fault. Let me explain. Initially our advertisers' wanted us to run advertisements as stories [slashdot.org].

    However, we felt that doing so would greatly reduce what little credibility we had as a tech rumor site. Additionally, due to CowboyNeal spending the entire OSDN budget on crack, we had to quickly raise money somehow someway. We decided to hook up with DoubleClick and let them monitor our traffic and generate random logs for their own use. However, we knew that if we let it happen for too long, people would find out, and we would lose what little respectability we had left. So we needed to get many hits quick.

    I, Commander Taco, the great Commander of Burritos and Such, decided to take it upon myself, to create mind-numbing, electrifying stories which would result in an amazing number of page hits. Unfortunately, a few users have caught on. Since I did not preplan enough to put the ROT-13 my ideas and DMCA-it, I have no recourse but to let them notify all of our users, and hence be forced to concede. The other members of Slashdot are too coked out right now (hence our budget), so I'm alone here. However, I plan on leaving very soon, and disappearing into the depths of Amazon, because from what I have heard in unexplained rumors, is that Bubba is after me for rootkitting his Debian box. Regardless, I am on my out.

    Good day, folks, and god speed.
  • by Bender Unit 22 (216955) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:42PM (#3267193) Journal
    In other news, Sun Microsystems shifts focus to .net instead. Get the full article here. [sun.com]

    "We know a better system when we see it", says Ed Zander, President and Chief Operating Officer, Sun Microsystems, Inc.
    "To be honest, we don't quite see a future without a proper .net strategy. The development tools alone with all their templates and wizards just make it too good for us to ignore. It also allows us to collect more data from the applications developed everywhere on the net. Thanks to the agreement you agree to when installing the package, we can collect pretty much any piece of information from every system."

    But is that not too intrusive?
    "No I don't think so, think about it. With that kind of feedback the installed base of .net applications becomes in reality a huge testing facility where we can ship, near ready, products too. The data collected enables us to weed out the bugs and security issues quickly and we can release patches on a cheap subscription basis"

    And it continues..
    Well I for one, is surpriced to say the least. What will be next, dumping Solaris?
  • THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOLS

    news.com article [com.com]

    http://www.wehavethewayout.com/ [wehavethewayout.com]

    Netcraft results for site [netcraft.com]
    The site www.wehavethewayout.com is running Rapidsite/Apa-1.3.14 (Unix) FrontPage/4.0.4.3 mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a on FreeBSD.

  • Karma death (Score:4, Funny)

    by $carab (464226) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:45PM (#3267206) Journal
    (I would've posted this anonymously, but it had to be said)
    In other news, Microsoft has decided to begin an archive of all their software as part of their new .NYET program. Users will pay a regular fee for the service. Called CMAN-The Comprehensive Microsoft Archive Network, the service is expected to be quite a boon to the recently downtrodden company.

    Buisnesses reacted happily to the news. "We're ecstatic" an anonymous buiness person said, "Microsoft kept giving us shit, but now we've got CMAN!".

    The Linux community seemed confused at the news. Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda declared "CMAN? I've been enjoying CMAN for years! Microsoft can't just go and copyright it! This offends my nerdish sensibilities! I want my CMAN!" Malda later said that if the CMAN network was as good as the hype, he would switch to an all-Microsoft platform. "If this CMAN is really high-grade, enterprise level stuff, then I think I'll switch to a Microsoft platform."

    Microsoft stock was up sharply on the news. An anonymous trader said "It was like the NASDAQ floor was covered in CMAN! Microsoft rocks my world!".
  • by yerricde (125198) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:45PM (#3267212) Homepage Journal

    This story is fake, but it did inspire me to do a Google search, which turned up CJAN: Comprehensive Java Archive Network [cjan.org]. It's not up yet (the front page is just a blog), but it's coming. Seriously.

  • by pbryan (83482) <email@pbryan.net> on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:46PM (#3267214) Homepage
    For the record, my feelings on the Slashdot April Fools Embroglio rests firmly in the uninterested. I have almost zero opinion on the final outcome of April Fools postings. I love Slashdot, and will probably subscribe at some point to support the site, but April Fools jokes are dull (to me).

    This easy dismissal of the value of the only providers of interesting and insightful content on Slashdot is offensive. Thus, I propose a small revolt. The (Hopefully) Great April Fools Blackout.

    T(H)GAFB will be during April 1 through April 1. Easy to remember, a shitload of useless articles will be posted. During that time, I will not be enjoying posting, or reading comments from the home page.

    During that day, I'd like to see if Slashdot becomes a better place, or if it becomes the Hallowed Shrine of Troll.

    This is where the (Hopefully) comes in. This is only meaningful if enough agree to go along and participate. If there is only me and a handful of others who cease enjoying Slashdot during that week, it will be pretty meaningless.
  • And I was excited (Score:4, Insightful)

    by DeadSea (69598) on Monday April 01, 2002 @04:49PM (#3267223) Homepage Journal
    CPAN has done wonders for perl modules. Its easy to install them and all the CPAN modules I've used have good documentation, very nice dependency checking, and regression tests. Until I realized that it was a joke, I was thinking that the CPAN folks would be able to do some great work with Java libraries.

    Java has a better library structure than perl, with each package being in a well defined place in the classpath. Also documentation for Java libraries tends to be better because of the javadoc comments that everybody writes. Regression tests and dependency checking for java libraries would be cool.

    Luckily, there are great places to turn for java libraries even without CPAN supporting them. The Apache Project [apache.org] has many classes that I consider essential now. The Giant Java Tree [gjt.org] has thousands of open source libraries. Not to mention the stuff I've written [ostermiller.org].



    • Java has a better library structure than perl, with each package being in a well defined place in the classpath.


      Fiddlesticks! Perl's namespace is far more flexible than the clumsy, bloated directory hierarchy used in Java. I just wrote my first CPAN module (not QA'd yet, no install scripts etc, so it's not uploaded yet) and it'll be something like called Net::Bookmark.pm. If it was java it would be "comp.string.app.multi.browser.plugins.bookmarks.m ung.utils" or something equally atrocious. Java is good news for makers of ergonomics keyboards, bad news for those of us nursing incipient RSI! :)

  • CPAN? D'oh. (Score:2, Funny)

    by Roosey (465478)
    I thought that said C-SPAN was shifting its focus. I would've known that was an April Fools joke then - they wouldn't be caught dead broadcasting anything interesting. :]

    "Up next, Senate Boxing! Watch as 99 year old Senator Strom Thurmond takes on 86 year old Robert Byrd! Who'll be the first to drop?"
  • by JFMulder (59706) on Monday April 01, 2002 @05:02PM (#3267277)
    You guys must have really nothing to do on April fool's day if the only thing you have to do is come to slashdot and bitch and moan about the April Fool's joke CmdrTaco is running. If you don't like them, stop coming to Slashdot today. Come back tomorrow. Nobody will miss you I'm sure. As for the moderators who spend times modding down pro-april-foolscomments and modding up anti-april-fools commentes, get a f**king life. I unchecked the "Willing to Moderate" because moderators like you rated waste mod points on stupid posts and keep modding up crap. What's the point of modding up somthing to +5 insightfull if some other idiot mods up a fart joke +5 funny?
  • Curious... (Score:4, Interesting)

    by Lethyos (408045) on Monday April 01, 2002 @05:05PM (#3267297) Journal
    We all know that on a regular basis, the editors here at Slashdot reject very good stories in favor of, well, not so good stories [slashdot.org] (OKay, many are just plain stupid).

    To add insult to injury, how many people here have submitted very intelligent, meaningful, and possibly important stories... only to have them rejected in favor of these stupid April Fools jokes. Slashdot is often referred to by many of us an intelligent and useful news source to "open source initiates" or other professionals.

    Today however, like every other year, it descends into silliness. All useful content has been eliminated. Every story is an April Fools "joke" and thus, it's completely pointless because it's funny when you're tricked.

    Editors, stop displacing useful content for this nonsense, please? I am sure there's lots of real stuff out there today amongst the cruft. Of course, this request will be ignored because the editors are so damn full of themselves.

    I suggest everyone who got a story rejected post it as a reply to this post. Maybe we can actually get some stuff that matters.
  • by twoshortplanks (124523) on Monday April 01, 2002 @05:08PM (#3267310) Homepage
    In real non april 1st way, the Perl Peeps are all really grateful for Sun's support of Perl.

    Recently Sun donated some new hardware to make search.cpan.org [cpan.org] work a lot faster. This was covered on use Perl [perl.org].

    Thanks Sun!

  • It's true! Didn't you know? Microsoft is making their next version of Windows on Sun's Java. Microsoft Windows J
  • I like it (Score:3, Interesting)

    by geekoid (135745) <dadinportland @ y a hoo.com> on Monday April 01, 2002 @05:16PM (#3267341) Homepage Journal
    Seriously, one day a year where most everyone in the industry turns there creativity to something funny, a gag, a good gotcha.
    BTT /. may not be the best place to get got, but I like to read about all the other attempts other people are trying.
    Some people take this site way to seriously. If you can't gat anywork done without /. for one day you are either: paid to work on /. or in need of a carrer change.
    I can't imagine someone who needs to read every story on /. for a living.(obvious editor joke left out)
    Don't like Apreil Foools? fine, see you tomorrow.
  • It took me nearly 30 seconds to figure out this one was a joke. After every other story today was a joke too... well, at least the slashdot crowd hasn't actually pulled one on us... they've just been reporting other april fool's jokes. A slashdot-centred joke would be: windows.slashdot.org.
  • CJAN.
    CJAN run.
    CJAN code.
    CJAN run her code.
    CJAN screw the Perl community.
    CJAN type "APRIL FOOLS!"
    CJAN laugh her butt off and disappear.
  • I checked the webpage, it said it's hosted by FUNET. Is that Fun Net or Fuck You Net?

    -Josh
  • ...I'm not paying to read these stories...
  • if they'd planned it further so that the links didn't take you to the regular CPAN pages, but to more fakes.

    They could have had the "DISCLAIMER" link go to the original site. :)

  • But at the expense of the greatest of all languages?

    What has this to do with Ruby?

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