Java Performance Urban Legends 632
An anonymous reader writes "Urban legends are kind of like mind viruses; even though we know they are probably not true, we often can't resist the urge to retell them (and thus infect other gullible "hosts") because they make for such good storytelling. Most urban legends have some basis in fact, which only makes them harder to stamp out. Unfortunately, many pointers and tips about Java performance tuning are a lot like urban legends -- someone, somewhere, passes on a "tip" that has (or had) some basis in fact, but through its continued retelling, has lost what truth it once contained. This article examines some of these urban performance legends and sets the record straight."
My favorite Java UL... (Score:5, Funny)
k.
Java is Slow (Score:4, Funny)
Then why the hell is it so slow?
-1, bloody obvious (Score:2, Funny)
1) become a journalist
2) use common sense and lots of bullshit
3)????
4) profit!
The missing step appears to be get an MBA and go into management
Re:hmmm (Score:5, Funny)
No, you didn't. You misspelled it once; the second time is simply being consistent.
Misspelling it twice would be writing "optomizing" and "optomezing"
Ok, so if Java doesn't suck speed wise.. (Score:3, Funny)
*looks at Limewire*
*looks at administration applets written by Sun which don't work over X11*
Error in title (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Java vs. RAM (Score:3, Funny)
Here's a big urban myth: (Score:2, Funny)
It can be made faster by tweaking.
Re:Java is Slow (Score:4, Funny)
Why, later, was Surak so slow?
It's because Surak has never written a line of Java in his life and simply trots out the same tired old message that he heard 4 years ago on Slashdot and repeats whenever Java comes up.
Surak is essentially regurgitating, inspite of JITs and JNIs actually writing pretty good machine code these days.
Suraks are slow. That's why people try to avoid hiring them.
Hardware manufacturers want slow software. (Score:3, Funny)
It was somewhat shocking to me, but back in the VAX days I learned that software made by hardware manufacturers is as slow as they can get the customer to accept. That makes customers buy more hardware.
Following the theme of naming products after food items, Sun's next software product is "Molasses".
If customers accept Molasses, the next January they will release an upgrade called "Molasses in January". The following product will break the naming tradition: It will be a run-anywhere language called "The check is in the mail". After that, there is "When pigs fly", and "When hell freezes".
The big question in the computing world is how not to become a dog on some manufacturer's leash. Woof, woof, where do you want me to go today, Bill, Steve, or Scott?
Re:hmmm (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Where are the Java desktop applications? (Score:2, Funny)
Swing = Sick WINdowing Garbage