Oracle Beware — Google Tests Cloud-Based Database

narramissic writes "On Tuesday, the same day Google held a press event to launch its Google Apps Sync for Microsoft Outlook, the company quietly announced in its research team blog a new online database called Fusion Tables. Under the hood of Fusion Tables is data-spaces technology, which would 'allow Google to add to the conventional two-dimensional database tables a third coordinate with elements like product reviews, blog posts, Twitter messages and the like, as well as a fourth dimension of real-time updates,' according to Stephen E. Arnold, a technology and financial analyst. 'So now we have an n-cube, a four-dimensional space, and in that space we can now do new kinds of queries which create new kinds of products and new market opportunities,' said Arnold, whose research about this topic includes a study done for IDC last August. 'If you're IBM, Microsoft and Oracle, your worst nightmare is now visible.'"

Re:Oh My!

[Anonymous Coward]

Linux just isn't ready for the cloud-based database yet. It may be ready for the web servers that you nerds use to distribute your TRON fanzines and personal Dungeons and Dragons web-sights across the world wide web, but the average database administrator isn't going to spend months learning how to use a CLI and then hours compiling packages so that they can get a workable graphic interface to check their databases with, especially not when they already have a Windows machine with OracleDB that does its job perfectly well and is backed by a major corporation, as opposed to Linux which is only supported by a few unemployed nerds living in their mother's basement somewhere. The last thing I want is a level 5 dwarf (haha) providing me my OS.

Merged?

[againjj]

'If you're IBM, Microsoft and Oracle, your worst nightmare is now visible.'

I didn't realize they had merged.

Google had better look out

[Facegarden]

I'm coming out with a five-dimensional database.
-Taylor

Re:Um... what?

[smallfries]

Because it packs more hype into an n-cube, and fills a 4-dimensional space with marketing.

Come on, that's impressive guys, right?

Re:Merged?

[just_another_sean]

'If you're IBM, Microsoft and Oracle, your worst nightmare is now visible.'

I didn't realize they had merged.

You just described my worst nightmare!

Worst nightmare indeed

[Adrian Lopez]

Twitter coordinates, n-Cubes, and four-dimensional spaces... in a cloud?

Gee... I'm glad it's not possible to die from a hype overdose.

Sorry Google

[DetpackJump]

Unless you add fifth dimensional monkeys, you just aren't cool anymore.

Re:Um... what?

[Red Flayer]

I think you're overlooking the impact of this as a challenge to Oracle and other DB providers.

It's not just marketing. This will revolutionize how DB services are provided. For one thing, now all your data is belong to Google (but that's a small price to pay for free/low cost data hosting, right?). For another thing, this DB exists in four dimensions. Unfortunately, one of those dimensions is the home of Googol the Destroyer, who has been summoned to our dimension to wreak the End of Days via the Rite of a Thousand Targeted Ads. Development of this DB was actually how Googol the Destroyer was accidentally summoned to our dimension; following his summoning, he quickly turned all of Google to his cause.

When last we saw our heroes [slashdot.org], they were continuing work on their plan to convert all the world's sorcerors to their cause, building the One True OS with Built-in Global Web Search to stop Googol. We learned the source of Stallmanx's power were the beard gnomes that live in his Beard of Druidic Prowess when they helped him escape from Googol's clutches.

Meanwhile, Googol's crack team of evil underlords continue their preparation of preventative solutions to all the possible ways the world can be saved (probalby stored in this new 4-dimensional DB, by the way). Googol the Destroyer continues to devour data gathered by the Webcrawling Spiders of Doom with gobsmacking satisfaction.

So what are our heroes, Joba and Gatus, up to?

JOBA: Gatus, how are you fairing in your quest to buy out all the greedy sorcerors?

I did well for a while, and I've still got cash left thanks to issuing those bonds last month... but it seems that the remaining sorcerors are resisting the charms of my cold, hard cash. For some reason they are not responding to my efforts to Embrace and Extend them.

JOBA: Perhaps you should rethink your pitch. I'm good at marketing, let me help. For instance, maybe the "Extend" part of your methods should not involve use of the Rack. Maybe a new slogan, like "Embrace and Embrace". Then it's just hugs all around.

GATUS: Perhaps you have a point. But I think that's a little extreme. How about "Embrace and Exsanguinate"? I could use an Iron Maiden to drain their blood, surely that's not as bad as Extending them on the Rack?

JOBA: No, no, that doesn't work at all. Trust me... "Embrace and Embrace" is the best way for all the sorcerors to come to appreciate your strengths. And who knows, you might like it. [wink]

GATUS: Very well. But how goes your plans to subvert the Ministers of Fashion to get th low-self-esteem sorcerors to come to your side?

JOBA: Splendidly. Though there is some backlash from the sorcerors who want "open" hardware or somesuch. Apparently they are incapble of appreciating the "experience" I deliver. We'll have to work on them.

Meanwhile, Googol instructs his acolytes in the finer points of using his 4-dimensional database to represent n-dimensional space, where n equals the number of souls fed to the Targeted Advertising Machine of Futile Resistance. This information is to be used by them in a nefarious plot to neutralize the efforts of our heroes. Coinciding with this, Googol has instructed his crack team of evil underlords to collect the threads of the Ultimate Evil Woven Tapestry of Universe Description, known as "Dark Fibers", in one place.

What is Googol the Destroyer planning with the Dark Fibers? How will He utilize the Evil Woven Tapestry of Universe Description in his bid to wreak the End of Days?

Will Gatus and Joba be able to complete the One True OS with Built-in Global Web Search in time?

Tune in to next week's episode of Google the Destroyer to find out!

Re:Merged?

[Red Flayer]

Yes. Their keystone product is now System Z Office DB.

Have fun figuring out your licensing costs.