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King James Programming 184

Posted by Soulskill
from the though-i-walk-through-the-valley-of-the-shadow-of-regular-expressions dept.
Jah-Wren Ryel writes "What do you get when you train a Markov chain on the King James Bible and a copy of Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs? King James Programming — a tumblr of auto-generated pseudo-scripture (or pseudo-compsci lessons). Some examples: -- 'The LORD is the beginning (or prefix) of the code for the body of the procedure.' -- 'More precisely, if P and Q are polynomials, let O1 be the order of blessed.' -- ''In APL all data are represented as arrays, and there shall they see the Son of man, in whose sight I brought them out.'"
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King James Programming

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  • Hey!!! (Score:5, Funny)

    by thewils (463314) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:11PM (#45622959) Journal

    It actually makes more sense!

  • Jesix (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:13PM (#45622977)

    They should use this to develop Jesix, or whatever it was called. You know, that Linux distro where they changed potentially offensive commands like "mount".

    • Re:Jesix (Score:5, Funny)

      by citab (1677284) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:28PM (#45623095)

      What about the Sermon on the /mnt?

      or /mnt/sermon?

      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        Taking offense to words like "mount" has nothing to do with the Bible. Those are CHURCH teachings. There is a difference.
        • You know, I really wasn't trolling but I suppose it was inevitable that someone would try to mark it "damn you".
        • by anagama (611277)

          So mount is bad but what about "dicked" as in, "I got dicked around by that asshole."

          Addition of /usr/dict/kjv.words (exhaustive)

          http://pudge.net/jesux/ [pudge.net]

          Man, these guys are total fucktards:

          - Login screen has full text to Lord's Prayer and Pledge of Allegiance, with Christian and American symbols

          - qmail replaces sendmail as the standard MTA (sendmail was written by a prominent homosexual)

          - No encryption provided; Christians have nothing to hide

          The one positive piece of information I could find on the site was

          • by jlp2097 (223651)

            It is a joke. [pudge.net] Relax.

          • It takes a certain Je ne sais quoi to get whooshed by a 14-year-old parody. I salute you, Sir|Ma'am|Fido.

          • by Timex (11710)

            Man, these guys are total fucktards: ...

            Before you start throwing incendiary names at people, perhaps you should consider reading the About page [pudge.net] ... It makes you out to be the type of person whose only exercise is jumping to conclusions. (I don't know if you really are or not; that's not my business, nor is it any of my concern.)

      • That was code for 'orgy' back in the day ;-) /ducks

  • Interesting (Score:5, Interesting)

    by sharknado (3217097) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:21PM (#45623033)
    Some of the marketing crap my company produces is worse than the quotes generated in TFA. ...I wonder if I could make a business out of outsourcing our marketing team with this algorithm...I'll suggest to my boss and see what he says.
  • oh noes! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by turkeydance (1266624) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:22PM (#45623039)
    Scientology has a competitor! somehow, someone somewhere will take this way too seriously.
  • Markov Chains (Score:1, Flamebait)

    by pieisgood (841871)

    Wow, a series of probabilistic transitions between words has given us a mishmash of programming and bible gibberish. This is the expected result, but isn't even novel. You could do this with any N texts and get out gibberish. I much prefer markov chains as a way to produce music.

  • Blasphemy (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward

    The word of the Lord is not to be altered or trivialized like this

    May He have mercy on your pathetic souls

    • by narcc (412956) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:30PM (#45623119) Journal

      SICP is popular right now, but I'd hardly call it divinely inspired.

    • As a conservative-leaning, bible-thumping Southern Baptist, I find TFA and your (probably deliberate troll) response hilarious.
    • The Lord already took mercy on my soul when my ex-wife moved over 3000 miles away. Then "BoB" Dobbs came along with his pipe and helped me sort out the rest.
    • by mwvdlee (775178)

      Do you read the unaltered bible or are you using one of the many translations?
      Languages do not map 1:1 (otherwise, machine translation would be easy and perfect), so any translation inevitably alters the meaning of the original text.

      • Do you read the unaltered bible or are you using one of the many translations?
        Languages do not map 1:1 (otherwise, machine translation would be easy and perfect), so any translation inevitably alters the meaning of the original text.

        Uhm, what exactly is this "unaltered bible". Even the King James verison, which is the closest there is to a "standard" bible for the English language, contains more than a few translations errors (when compared to much older Greek texts from which it was translated), as well as some deliberate alterations.

        • "You have never experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon."

        • by E++99 (880734)

          Uhm, what exactly is this "unaltered bible". Even the King James verison, which is the closest there is to a "standard" bible for the English language...

          Um, I'm pretty sure that the Bible was not written in English and that the King James version is a translation.

        • And the greek texts are themselves a translation. Jesus and his contempories would have spoken in aramaic (With a little hebrew mixed in when debating religious matters) - their words were translated before being recorded. Exactly what they said is now lost to history.

      • by Empiric (675968)

        Show me a case in the bible, or any competent translation of any text, where the translation meaningfully changes the conclusions you would draw as to its overall meaning from reading it.

        And please don't tell me you've never even thought about applying this first step to intellectual honesty on this issue, given all those other texts (which, oddly, seem to get a pass based on the sole criterion that they are non-religious) surrounding you.

        • How about the "virgin Mary" which can just as well be translated as the "young woman Mary" from the (known) original? I give you that the same error is in the Septuaginta (the Greek "original" most translations draw from) and that due to this it has been elevated to dogma level, but the case stands: The Hebrew ha-almah (which appears in the prophecies of Isaiah that predict the arrival of Jesus) means just "young woman" and makes no claims about the sexual experience of said woman.

          Not to mention that Isaiah

          • by Empiric (675968)

            Given the cultural norms of the time, we can assume she was a virgin, or at minimum, the text was presenting someone who would in fact have a virgin for such a significant religious role, even if we stipulated your contention it referred to a different event. Yes, I've been over this many times. "Behold, a young woman shall conceive!" makes no sense in terms of an extraordinary event being presented, and the text is clearly intended to convey an exceptional event. To claim otherwise is just being pointle

            • It most likely would not change anything about the life of Jesus or how he is seen as some kind of "special" person. But it would change a lot on how religious people perceive virginity as something special. And no, "Behold a young woman shall conceive" is nothing special. And I somehow doubt that it was meant to be. Considering the value of women back in those days, I'd be very surprised if he wanted to draw much attention to Jesus' mother. It's actually a rather insignificant part of the prophecy, if anyt

              • by Empiric (675968)

                Your analysis is based on the notion that you can viably change the interpretation of one verse and the content of the rest of the bible turns on that. This is false.

                As is the case for every other text, there are reiterations of meaning throughout the text. There are "parity bits" throughout the text, by analogy. You cannot change the meaning of one word merely because it is a word with multiple possible definitional meaning, and thus alter every other reference within the text to have the entirety now s

                • Re:Blasphemy (Score:4, Informative)

                  by Opportunist (166417) on Saturday December 07, 2013 @06:01AM (#45625541)

                  My point is that with every translation a change of meaning becomes a possibility. A translation is by its very definition entail an interpretation of the text, which invariably will lead to a change of pace and meaning, at the very least the emphasis changes. It's a bit like playing telephone. You can actually try it yourself provided you find a few friends who happen to speak a few different languages, let the first one draft a short text and have the others translate it. Now add the temporal difference between the original draft in Hebrew and the KJB which is literally millennia and you're dealing not only with different languages but different interpreters that have a very different world view and mindset, a completely different background and probably their own agenda in mind, too.

                  You want to rely on such a translation of a translation of a translation to be the verbatim word of God? After at the very least three humans had meddled with it (provided the original author had some divine inspiration), in three very different time periods with a very different outlook on the world?

                  • by Empiric (675968)

                    Lot of sheer unbacked conjecture here. Probably of the kind you prefer that can always be narrowed in its scope to infinitesimal differences, which you will then present as probably differences overturning the entirety of the content, and given that possibility of individual-verse nuance, the actual overall content could be any imaginable thing.

                    I'll suggest two things here:

                    1. Read the actual methodology translators use. They are generally given in the preface to any given translation. None do a "transla

        • "And the angel of the LORD said unto him, Wherefore hast thou smitten thine ass these three times?" - Numbers 22:32

  • by SpaceLifeForm (228190) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:28PM (#45623101)
    Used biblical references for branching tags. The code (assembly) would then have 'goto john', 'goto paul', etc spread about. It was pointed out to her that this made maintenance more difficult, and she needed to use more meaningful, informative tags. She did not, however, use 'hell' as one.
    • by Anonymous Coward

      The code (assembly) would then have 'goto john', 'goto paul', etc spread about. It was pointed out to her that this made maintenance more difficult, and she needed to use more meaningful, informative tags.

      goto yoko?

  • Also in the day of the LORD’s house, all the words of Alan Perlis, “Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.”
  • Oh man this a special kind of awesome right here!

  • Funny Algorithms (Score:4, Informative)

    by Oscaro (153645) on Friday December 06, 2013 @07:50PM (#45623303) Homepage

    This has always been one of my favorite algorithms. Saw it the first time many years ago on The Practice of Programming, by Kernighan and Pike. Always makes me laugh. You can use it to generate phrases or even psuedo-words that "sound like" any given real language. I use it to generate passwords that are easy to remember but cannot be found in any dictionary, of "fantasy names" for games. Have fun and plose some stilture on your cince! http://www.ploodood.net/ [ploodood.net]

  • As a scientist I always test the null hypothesis to quantify usefulness of my research. They did a bunch of work, but is it any better than a simple randomized selection of text?

    As a quick test of the null hypothesis, below I have selected a random bible verse and inserted into the middle a random statement from SICP after the nearest to center semicolon, comma, period, and or or:

    God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, this takes two arguments, a symbol and a list, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

    And we have seen and, evaluating this combination involves three subproblems, testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

    Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, However, if we allow mutators on list structure, sharing becomes significant, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

    Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me the machine repeatedly executes a controller loop, changing the contents of the registers, until some termination condition is satisfied, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

    Verses from: Random Bible Verse [sandersweb.net]. I scrolled around the TOC with my eyes closed, clicked a link, then repeated the process waggling my mouse erratically to select sentences from SICP. [mit.edu] YMMV.

    • by narcc (412956)

      You may want to review the term "null hypothesis".

    • I hate to break it to you, but your experimental methodology for SICP is flawed. For example, if you set your mouse sensitivity sufficiently high, your wiggling will aways result in the scroll bar being at the top or the bottom. If also your window size is sufficiently small, then you will always click the top link, or the bottom link, of the TOC. What you need to do is calibrate your sampling procedure by computing a series of quantiles, changing the sensitivity and window size until these approximate the
  • The Neural Network that creates prose! [thedailywtf.com]

    The pig go.
    Go is to the fountain.
    The pig put foot. Grunt.
    Foot in what? ketchup.

    The dove fly.
    Fly is in sky.
    The dove drop something.
    The something on the pig.

    The pig disgusting. The pig rattle.
    Rattle with dove.
    The dove angry.
    The pig leave.

    The dove produce.
    Produce is chicken wing.
    With wing bark.
    No Quack.

  • From the dedication of SICP:

    "[...] I hope the field of computer science never loses its sense of fun. Above all, I hope we don't become missionaries. Don't feel as if you're Bible salesmen. The world has too many of those already. [...]"

  • For crying out loud don't they teach kids any history these days?

    See http://glenda.cat-v.org/friends/mark-v-shaney/classics [cat-v.org]

    My personal favourite:

    I would like to be present everywhere

    Grace is the âoeupdateâ program, which simply issues a sync system call.

    Iâ(TM)ve received two pieces of email that imply that somebody recently posted the entire world with a flood, to remove all rational obstacles to believing something revealed by God.

    I have to pass a tuple containing the existing Unix technolo

  • by mark-t (151149)
    Of the 40 or so example spews that I looked at, they mostly appeared to consist of a beginning that started in one work, and the ending which finished in the other... like two random sentences spliced together in a way that, at least around the words that they appear to have been joined on, made some degree of gramatical sense, even if the concept itself were absurd.
  • by Rambo Tribble (1273454) on Saturday December 07, 2013 @10:10AM (#45626197)
    ... there was 0, and God said, "Let there be 1".

Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it. -- Perlis's Programming Proverb #58, SIGPLAN Notices, Sept. 1982

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