Have a Nice Steaming Cup of Java 5

wap writes "The language/VM/religion that everyone loves to hate is now serving another cup: Java 1.5 is ready for download. The new features of 1.5 have been discussed here before. I, for one, welcome our new virtual machine overlord. I have been using the release candidate, and startup times are noticeably faster, as is overall performance, and the new features like typesafe collections and static imports are great to have. Let the Java flames begin!"

Thanks to our supporters

[NoInfo]

"This release was made possible by our world-wide development community.

Oh, yeah, and ridiculously large settlement payments by Microsoft."

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[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Passe...

[gowen]

Don't you know, we don't hate Java anymore. These days we all love Java due to its major new feature -- its not C#

Well for us Apple elitist bastards

[antifoidulus]

we still gotta wait....come on Steve, get out of the hospital and give us our static imports and generics!

I just got my copy...

[melted keyboard]

Now let the slashdotting commence!

Stealing my tongue

[mukund]

I, for one, welcome our new virtual machine overlord.

Dude you know you are not supposed to say these things in the story itself.

Re:How long will the MacOS X release take?

[adavies42]

I don't know when it will be out, but I can tell you what the Apple headline will be: "Tiger on Tiger".

Man, that's not really fair

[mcc]

Considering that nearly 100% of the justification I've heard from people who like C# is along the lines of "It's not Java".

...

Come to think of it, this entire situation is sort of starting to sound like, um, something else...

Naming

[melanarchy]

If they're giving up and renaming it, they may as well go all the way. I say "Visual Java .NET" would be the perfect new name.

Re:Stealing my tongue

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, I think the story submission page should have: [ ] Imagine a Beowulf cluster of these! [ ] In Soviet Russia, [______________] you! [x] I for one welcome our new [______________] overlords [x] Automatic insert of AC fp It would save so much time, and prevent redundancy.

Ad seen on Monster today

[phyruxus]

Java Developer needed. Must have 3+ years experience with Java 1.5, to start immediately.

Re:My question is...

[Anonymous Coward]

When is the selv-aware Java version due?

Right when it becomes aware of its spelling errors!

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

Re:How long will the MacOS X release take?

[Anonymous Coward]

So I had the opportunity to talk to some Sun employees a few weeks ago.

And I asked them, "do you know, will Java 1.5 be in Tiger?"

And they just looked at me really funny and were like "well, obviously."

Later I found out apparently "Tiger" is also Sun's codename for their version of the Java 1.5 release.

Oops.

Re:Thanks to our supporters

[Anonymous Coward]

You forgot to add "Netcraft confirms it - Java is dying" onto the end. But not a bad effort for a beginner troll.

Just adjust the GMT offset in your resume

[Anonymous Coward]

for the dates of experience with Java 1.5. It should be something like

Start: Sept 1999 -2628000
End: ... ...

If they ask who your employer was at the time, just tell them you haven't yet notified that employer that you intend to resign yet. It'd be all true. No need to lie. Oh and if they ask what that -2628000 is, tell them it's just a MS Word revisionist code.

Re:Passe...

[FriedTurkey]

Yes, it's not C#, but it is getting closer and closer to being C/C++ (or something very very close). For instance, Java 5 borrows features heavily from C. Just take a look at some of the new features: - Generic Types (AKA templates) - Enumerated Types - Static Import (usage of this looks quite similar to the #define method) - Formatted Output / Input (printf/scanf style) - Varargs

Crap. As a Java programmer, some show off programmer is going to use that crap unnecessarily and I am going to figure what all this stuff means.

Re:I wait! -- you mean...

[scovetta]

You mean 1.5.1_03.1

Re:Java is to C as ...

[MarkGriz]

"If Java is a cup of coffee, C#/VS is a cup of sweet sweet chocolate."

Too bad you can only drink "sweet sweet chocolate" in a dark, virus infested alley, while coffee can be enjoyed by everyone, everywhere.

Re:Dear Sun

[shaka]

Go to the consumer-branded website: http://java.com

Um... I've been a Java developer for about 5 years, and I've never seen that website. Now, can someone please tell me why Sun has put fscking RINGTONES on their Java site!?

Re:I wait!

[Surt]

whew! shift-f6 that was hard.

Re:Java is to C as ...

[rishistar]

I'm English dammit! I want a cup of tea!!!!

Re:How long will the MacOS X release take?

[BorgCopyeditor]

Shouldn't that be: "Hot Tiger-on-Tiger Action"? The spokesmen will of course be Siegfried and Roy.

Re:Passe...

[BorgCopyeditor]

Very effective productivity tool. Though he tended to use CAT 5 cable.

Ah, yes. The old "CAT-5-o'-nine-tails."

Re:Write once, run anywhere

[Anonymous Coward]

JBuilder, I knew it! That explains why it takes 35 freakin minutes to START UP. Java really, really sucks bad. Defend it to the end, but it is slow as hell, and a total pain in the ass. If the whole java world dried up and died tomorrow, the world would be a better place.

Puzzle pirates, lots of fun, except for the FREAKIN waiting between screens. God.

If you are a project manager out there, and you are reading this, please, please, please promise that at the next project kick off, if ANYONE says "lets use java", fire their asses, and burn their bodies in a barrel.

The sooner we all admit that Java is painfully slow, doesn't "run on anything", and is not elegant, the better off we will all be.