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The Perils of Developers Hooking Up 278

jammag writes "Who better for a developer to love than another developer? Yet as a veteran coder describes, it's not always a good idea for a programmer to fall for another programmer. He describes his experience observing — and getting partially pulled into — a romance within a development team. Part of the problem, perhaps, is that some developers spend so much time buried in code that, well, they quickly find themselves out of their league. Then again, why not love among the code?"
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The Perils of Developers Hooking Up

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  • Re:Old wisdom (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday September 17, 2012 @03:41PM (#41366193)

    *COUGH* BS

    I am a mechanical engineer, wife is electrical. We have worked together have similar interests (though there are differences) and yet we have been together for 20 years!!!! In fact my wife is my mate for life. I don't know what what I would do without her. I also think your comment that a majority of female programmers are ugly and insecure is completely missing the mark. Get out of your hole caveman! Maybe you are the problem, not the women that you are critiquing.

  • Re:Old wisdom (Score:5, Interesting)

    by neminem ( 561346 ) <neminem AT gmail DOT com> on Monday September 17, 2012 @03:50PM (#41366333) Homepage

    Because that way you understand each other. Because that way your eccentricities don't bother her so much, and vice versa. Because that way you can generally simultaneously do things that you enjoy doing and also spend time with the person you enjoy spending time with, rather than picking one or the other exclusively.

    I've never met anyone exactly like myself, though if I were single and did meet such a person, I would be immediately interested, but I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone I didn't share a majority of interests and a similar worldview with. I've seen where that leads (it leads to a relationship like my parents' :p).

  • Re:Old wisdom (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Mordok-DestroyerOfWo ( 1000167 ) on Monday September 17, 2012 @03:54PM (#41366411)
    Nail on the head. My fiance is a civil engineer, I'm an application developer. Granted she doesn't get into coding in the same way that I do, but our love of classic video games, good sci-fi, and other nerdy pursuits makes us a pretty awesome couple. I've seen some messy workplace relationships in all fields, if anything that is what to avoid (if you're in a small workplace or work together in a small group). You should always be at the same intellectual level as your partner.
  • by neminem ( 561346 ) <neminem AT gmail DOT com> on Monday September 17, 2012 @03:56PM (#41366439) Homepage

    Title made me curious why someone would be claiming developers shouldn't hook up (possibly a new study about the prevalence of high-level autism in the Silicon Valley?) Being a developer who is dating another developer and who might eventually want kids, that would have been potentially relevant.

    But no, this was just another random story of a hot programmer flirting with teammates, which, as a jillion people have aready said, is generally a bad idea whether you're a programmer, or have any other career that involves working in a group. I don't think it'd be any different or less awkward for someone on my team as a developer to hook up with a tester or a graphic designer or a documentation writer on the same team as for them to hook up with another developer.

    Inversely, a while ago I learned one of the testers on our team had requested to move to a different team; a few months later I learned it was because she'd started dating a developer on that team. They've been happily married a couple years now, and both still work here. Probably smart of them to be in different teams, though (though both still on the development floor, which I see nothing wrong with at all.)

  • Re:Old wisdom (Score:5, Interesting)

    by pnutjam ( 523990 ) <slashdot.borowicz@org> on Tuesday September 18, 2012 @10:48AM (#41374227) Homepage Journal
    13 Years into our legal agreement that encapsulates dozens of different legal agreements (marriage).

    Some of the benefits of marriage which you may not be able to duplicate with other legal documents:
    -visitation rights in jail or hospital
    -automatic right of survivor-ship on joint accounts/leases
    -next of kin rights for inheritance and medical decisions if incapacitated
    -marital communications privileges during lawsuit or criminal proceedings
    -joint adoption/parenting rights
    -insurance benefits at most jobs
    -able to receive social security, disability, or medicaid benefits
    -able to receive some portion of most pensions after partner is deceased
    -exemption for estate and gift taxes on items given to your spouse
    -joint tax return

    Marriage is more then a piece of paper, even discounting any religious significance.

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