Blowing Up a Pointless Job Interview 692
Nemo the Magnificent writes "Ever been asked a question in a job interview that's just so abysmally stupid, you're tempted to give in to the snark and blow the whole thing up? Here are suggested interview-ending answers to 16 of the stupidest questions candidates actually got asked in interviews at tech companies in 2013, according to employment site Glassdoor. Oil to pour on the burning bridges."
Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
"Do you have any weaknesses?"
"Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
I actually did this once (did not get the job, despite being recommended by a friend who worked there):
-Name three of your strengths.
-Well... I'm honest and... let's see... I'm reasonably quick to spot and diagnose flaws in any given system... and I'd say I'm creative.
-Good. And do you have any weaknesses?
-I'm a liar.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
-I'm a liar.
You're hired! Your new job involves lying to customers.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
You have no idea how right you are. It was for a position in marketing.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Insightful)
If it was an interview for a marketing position, then "I'm a liar" should have been listed under "strengths", and "honesty" under "weaknesses".
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
My father, a larger man, once worked as a human cannonball at the circus. He hated it, but when he tried to leave they told him "You can't quit! Where would we ever find another man of your caliber?"
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
-Good. And do you have any weaknesses?
-I'm a liar.
Oh, you want the marketing interview, this is engineering. Down the hall, to the left.
They may not be expecting you, but they'll want you.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:4, Informative)
I actually did this once (did not get the job, despite being recommended by a friend who worked there):
-Name three of your strengths. -Well... I'm honest and... let's see... I'm reasonably quick to spot and diagnose flaws in any given system... and I'd say I'm creative. -Good. And do you have any weaknesses? -I'm a liar.
I went to an interview once and the first question was, "What do you think your biggest weakness is?" It caught me off guard a little as it's an odd opening question. Almost immediately the interviewer told me there was no wrong answer to this question. I told him my biggest weakness was that I didn't particularly care for people who were stupid enough to expect me to believe obvious lies.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:4, Funny)
"-Name three of your strengths."
1. Fear
2. Surprise
3. An almost fanatical devotion to the pope.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Interesting)
Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?
I answered a similar question - What is your desired future position - in the self-evaluation section of an on-line annual employes performance review once and wrote "International Space Station". It remained the pre-filled, default answer for the next five years, before it was removed by someone.
Here's basically what I want in a job: (1a) Sufficient pay, (1b) Flexible hours, (2) Interesting work, (3) Leave me alone. If I have a problem with any of those, I'll let you know. (Been continuously employed since 1987)
Re:Interview ending question (Score:4, Insightful)
My stock answer to that is:
Assuming there is no pressing issues sooner, like a micro manager, then every five years or so I evaluate if I want to stay where I am or if there is more interesting and rewarding work to be done elsewhere.
So, what kind of company is this? One where I stay because the work is interesting and rewarding, or one where I decide it is time to examine my option?
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?
On the other side of the table, asking much less stupid interview questions.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:4)
He did not get the job.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
Since it's a dumb question, why not get creative?
Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?
A: Crawling through the tunnels under the launch pad, about to try to sneak on to a Soyuz rocket. But in case my interview with the CIA doesn't go well, I'm interviewing here as a backup.
A: A kept boy-toy living with Scarlett Johansen working on my "screenplay."
A: Well, after the financial crash and, ultimately, the dissolution of the USA, I'll retreat to my underground bunker where I have about 3 years worth of food stored. After some time, I'll join a collective of local survivalists who band together to increase their food supply. We'll go out in raiding parties for the next few years scavenging whatever supplies we can from the lesser-prepared survivors. I can't tell you my exact location though, as that would compromise the safety of our raiding party. Suffice it to say, you won't hear us coming and it will be over before you know it.
A: After a chance encounter on a bus where my husky voice is recognized by an executive at an ad agency, I'll get an audition and eventually win the part of the voice over for a series of commercials advertising a new line of super-absorbent Bounty paper towels, "The Quickerer Pickerer Upper", err...but after it's revealed that the ultra absorbency is actually the result adding repurposed waste from the Fukushima reactor and a bunch of kids get cancer, they company will make me the fall guy and I'll be serving 10-20 years at a Federal correctional facility, doing an interview with 60 minutes protesting my innocence. Anderson Cooper will ask me, where did things go wrong for you and I'll think, and then eventually say, "5 years, to the day, I interviewed for a position that I didn't get. I was asked where I saw myself in 5 years and instead of a staid, boring answer like 'Happily employed here.', I tried to be a bit more creative. Everything just spiraled out of control from that point."
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
*Note: partial list.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
"Do you have any weaknesses?"
Blondes, brunettes and redheads.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
"Do you have any weaknesses?"
"Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"
Seen this joke but never used it.
Q: List one of your weaknesses.
A: I'm honest.
Q: I don't think that's a weakness.
A: I don't give a shit what you think.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Interesting)
And from the movies:
Q. Can you lift 50 pounds?
A. It depends. 50 pounds of what?
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
*opens wallet*
Sure! If you have some, I can even show you how I can lift and carry around 100 pounds.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
"Do you have any weaknesses?"
"Wow, you ARE a rube. Look, when you read the manual -- you did read the manual didn't you?-- where it says you should try to discover any weakness in the interview candidate, it means you're supposed to be subtle, not come right out and ask. Because they candidate is NEVER going to just come right out and tell you about his weaknesses. He's here to tell you about his strengths. Or I am, which is why I'm not going to answer that question.
"Let me see that list of questions... OH MY GOD, it actually SAYS that? Who gave you this list? That person is trying to make you look like an ass. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. Can I get you something? Oh, sorry, it's your workplace. Well, I'm sorry about that too. No one should have to put up with this."
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Interesting)
"Do you have any weaknesses?" "Yes, I hate stupid interview questions"
I think I actually found a decent answer to this question. "I value stability so much that it sometimes acts against my best interests. For example, if I hadn't been laid off from my last job, I would've preferred to stay there as long as possible, even if it meant not looking for better jobs. The stability of an existing salaried position was too attractive to voluntarily let go."
Paraphrased, "Yeah, my weakness is that if you hire me, I'd like to work here until I die." Hey, I got the job.
Re:Interview ending question (Score:5, Funny)
In that case, you might want to add an inability to correctly put on underwear.
Tame and lame (Score:5, Funny)
Somewhat interesting concept, but those were really lame.
Then again, the closest I have done was when asked if I had any experience with clearcase or rhapsody. My response was something along the lines of "yes, but I've been trying to put that behind me".
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Funny)
Seconded. Incredibly lame answers. He missed the obvious answer to #3:
3) "If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?" -- Apple, Specialist interview.
That would mostly depend on which neighborhoods I'd be delivering to. I suppose I could feel a bit safer, though since almost every robber has a gun, now, I'm not sure scissors would cut it. (for best results, interrupt the next question with "get it? 'cut it'", then maintain a blank stare for as long as possible)
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Interesting)
Actually, that question, while itself lame, does serve a purpose if the job requires creativity. They want to watch your come up with something different, and do it outside your comfort zone. If the interviewers are sharp enough, it will also give them a clue as to how you would fit into their culture.
In my current job (originally as a sysadmin, now DevOps)? I went through a battery of technical grilling, then I was asked point-blank:
"Is there intelligent life in Outer Space"?
I answered yes, then asked to defend my position. I spent the next 45 minutes in back-and-forth debate involving my bringing out Drake's Equation, panspermia, extrapolation of odds, and many other related topics.
I got the job, and quickly discovered the reason why... the company is chock-full of full-on geeks, many of whom have a passion for their respective skills, and share many common cultural touchpoints, which allowed me to fit in perfectly.
It's stuff like that which you really cannot pick up on by asking dumb crap like "what is your greatest weakness."
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Informative)
Answer: Yes.
Rationale: There is an International Space Station currently in what is commonly known as space. This is manned by astro/cosmo/nauts, which are a subset of an intelligent species. Therefore, yes.
Re: (Score:3)
Answer: I hope so! I certainly haven't seen any around here; I'd like to think that it exists somewhere.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:4, Informative)
Since when did low earth orbit qualify as "outer space"?
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Insightful)
The word "culture" in this context is in reference to corporate culture.
Corporate culture is an amorphous mixture of personality, motivation, lifestyle, methods, and work ethic. Work somewhere that matches yours, and you do very well. Work somewhere that does not, and you will either gain ulcers, ruin your career, and eventually get fired, laid-off, or worse.
Each company has a different approach to how they work. Part of it is due to the industry they're in, part of it is due to the job type, some of it by ideology, and all of it is driven by the leadership.
Take for instance Nike. They're headquartered in nearby Beaverton, OR. They have a work-hard/play-hard culture, and expect their employees to be the same. It is a very Type-A organization. I went after an opening they had, but the interview told me that I would be expected to dump any thought of a home life, quit smoking, and essentially compete with my co-workers for everything. Oh, and did I mention that the prevailing political ideology is strongly promulgated, and it is a diametric opposite of my own? Long-term prospects there would require me to essentially abandon what I am and who I am - unless I'm otherwise facing homelessness, no dice.
I've worked at such organizations before... they suck, and I don't fit into them, so I turned it down.
*That* is what I mean by culture.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:4, Interesting)
That sort of thing is illegal in the UK, and the entire EU I believe although doubtless there is some regional variation. The law is that workplaces must provide a reasonable environment for all employees.
If you desperately need a job or simply move office within a company and find yourself in a "culture" that is hostile to you and which requires, as in your example, an unhealthy and discriminatory work-life balance (discriminatory because clearly no single parent or person with an illness/disability that limits their ability to work long hours would ever be able to take it) then the company needs to change it.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Insightful)
Welcome to America, where the beatings will continue until morale improves. What you describe is "being competitive".
Employers have no incentive to treat their people like human beings. The next guy treats his employees just as badly, and if you find yourself someplace where they treat you like a human being, you're getting ripped off in terms of pay/benefits. Seriously, employers are like car salesmen here; they know they can treat you like shit because the next guy is just as bad. Oh, and medical insurance, you have none if you quit.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Especially when "the group" has a particular existing racial and gender makeup...
So what you're saying is that you would not hire a racist homophobe because he doesn't fit in with your group. Hypocrite.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:4, Funny)
That's because I just can't tolerate intolerance!
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Funny)
3) "If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?" -- Apple, Specialist interview.
It was a trick question to determine how much shame you have. The answer would be to jam them in your throat and hope you are reincarnated into a better life.
Re:Tame and lame (Score:5, Funny)
3) "If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?" -- Apple, Specialist interview.
"Well, I would still have to watch out for rock, but I wouldn't be very afraid of paper."
Re:Tame and lame (Score:4, Informative)
Round? I lived in Nashua, New Hampshire for a while. The manhole covers there are triangular. The reason given is that if they are placed on edge, they won't roll away.
Obligatory Trainspotting (Score:5, Insightful)
How to successfully end an interview.
Spud's interview [youtube.com] [NSFW]
None of the ones in the article even come close.
Re:Obligatory Trainspotting (Score:4, Informative)
Why waste 45 minutes interviewing for a developer position at a place that doesn't use version control?
Well, I would follow up by asking whether I'm being hired to fix that - senior dev jobs often include that sort of thing. That being said, I once left a job after two weeks (well, two weeks after an internal transfer) because the group insisted on using Rational Rose. I've since asked about that on every phone interview, so as not to waste my time in person if they're that silly.
Indeed, and one of my first tasks at one job was to implement version control. They just never got around to it. That's presumably why they are hiring: they need help, otherwise, no opening.
Re: Obligatory Trainspotting (Score:4, Interesting)
I do agree on the point that blowing interviews is a bit pretentious. But there are a lot of times an interviewer has clearly asked questions "over the line" or that identify this company as a terrible fit
The only questions which are "over the line" are questions which are illegal to ask to start with, and even some of those aren't over the line. It's not at all uncommon to ask people strange or seemingly retarded questions which don't really HAVE a right answer, or a wrong one either. The point is to see how the person reacts and thinks, it's not a test of knowledge. Those are actually in many cases the better employers, because they are actually thinking about you instead of just running down a checklist to see how well you can bullshit them.
About the only real exceptions are things related to ethics. A big one these days is asking for passwords to things like Facebook or your email. I always refuse, politely, and if they start to seem miffed or claim it really is required I laugh out loud and say "Heh, that's a good one, you almost had me. Wait, you're seriously telling me you'd hire someone who is both dumb enough to give out their password to a complete stranger, and unethical enough to violate the agreement they had with that service? What kind of company IS this?"
The ones I hate (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:The ones I hate (Score:5, Insightful)
I think Leon in "Blade Runner" nailed the proper response to those
Re:The ones I hate (Score:4, Interesting)
Well, I don't know - I like to respond to blatant psychological probing with "are you testing to see whether I'm an $X or a lesbian". Either they get the joke or not, either way I find it funny.
Here's the sad part (Score:5, Insightful)
When you are young, desperate, and eager to please, they ask you all the stupid questions. Their apparent motive is just to fuck with you and assert dominance.
When you are older and have a resume, they don't bother with the stupid questions. They just ask you about code and projects.
Re:Here's the sad part (Score:5, Insightful)
In other words, the number of stupid questions is inversely proportional to your perceived value to the company. An experienced employee can easily walk away if he does not like your questions - and what then will you tell your boss who is desperate to fill that Project Lead position? Especially if the boss was also present at the interview? Good Project Leads are hard to find. You won't even talk to a good Code Monkey every day.
Re:Here's the sad part (Score:5, Interesting)
Not true. It was not until later in my career that I started being asked stupid questions that had nothing to do with my expertise in interviews. Apparently, I learned later, the interviewer expected me to pull an answer out of my arse, then defend it to the death. This was for an engineering position, but his expectation was apparently that everyone who is any good's career should gravitate towards sales.
Re:Here's the sad part (Score:5, Informative)
IBM it is (inside T&T anyway):
Specialist - highest level "individual contributor"
Architect - I started managing matrix-ed teams
Senior Technical Staff Member - I have a staff budget, it is like a technical Director, has same authority as Director, but less signing authority.
Distinguished Engineer - Usually have a portfolio of products, services, or business lines
Sr. Distinguished Engineer - More of the above
IBM Fellow
and I forget the title of the IBM Fellow that sits on the board. Sr IBM Fellow?
Never do you "have" to cut over to line management to advance, unless you really want to be CEO, like Ginni Rometti.
I manage teams for short time periods for specific goals, who in turn have "line managers" that are usually more like HR managers: vacation, advancement, timecards, reviews, etc, are done by line management.
I can focus on getting problems solved and more strategic planning without worrying about timecards, budget or that kind of nonsense. The business orientated line manager does that.
Re:Here's the sad part (Score:5, Insightful)
Just remember, too much experience is bad. After you have 10 years experience you'll be too old to be employable. Anywhere. Ever.
I keep hearing that, and yet I keep working... Hmmm... And not only do I have 10 years experience, I have it three times!
Re:Here's the sad part (Score:5, Insightful)
Just remember, too much experience is bad. After you have 10 years experience you'll be too old to be employable. Anywhere. Ever.
Only if you've been deeply irresponsible in your own job skills. One thing I learned early that that expertise in any technology stack will only last 5 years or so before it's worthless. Sometimes you have to move on, even to a lower-paying job, just to freshen your skills (as I recently did). Sometimes you have to directly focus on improving your non-technical skills in a real way. But you only become unemployable when you stop learning new professional skills.
20-mumble years of experience and still going here. Going back through my email, I was contacted 12 times last quarter by recruiters who seemed credible in having senior positions to fill, and a couple who didn't. I've certainly met and interviewed people who have made themselves unhirable by focusing too narrowly for too long, but as long as you remember that each specific technology that you're expert in will be meaningless in 5 years (and that salary doesn't go up when you're older like it does when you're younger), you won't have this problem.
Unprofessional all around (Score:5, Insightful)
If you're that certain you do not wish the job, don't make peoples day any more difficult by being a dickhat. Just politely end the interview saying you are no longer interested in the position.
That kind of response sends the message loud and clear that it was their interview that drove you away and may push them to explain why they were asking such shitty questions. If nothing else it avoids creating an instant adversarial position where your indignation is written off as "you being a dickhat" not that there might be something wrong with their interview process.
We're adults, grow the hell up and stop assuming anyone gives a crap if you act like a smartypants.
Re:Unprofessional all around (Score:5, Insightful)
Just politely end the interview saying you are no longer interested in the position.
It's important to remember that a job interview should be a 2 way street. You need to be clear (and it may not hurt to make it clear) that you are assessing them as much as the other way round. Telling someone they failed should always be done politely and with tact.
Re:Unprofessional all around (Score:5, Insightful)
This, right here.
In tech circles, your name gets passed around a lot farther than you think. Even if you turn down that job, the fact that you were a dickhat will pass around - eventually to the jobs you do want. IF you don't fit into the culture, you won't fit into the job.
This is doubly true in medium and smaller tech markets (like here in PDX, for instance). We've been trying to hire sysadmins here with experience, and we've been able to weed out at least a couple of resumes so far based just on (bad) reputation.
While I and my cohorts don't know everyone in the biz here, we do know who we really want, and who we don't want.
Re:Unprofessional all around (Score:4, Informative)
And yet, even when faced with such obvious collusion by employers, and the power difference this creates, most techies are still violently anti-union.
Dunning-Kruger is alive and well, it seems.
Re:Unprofessional all around (Score:5, Insightful)
How often do you get stressed (Score:5, Insightful)
My response was never, stress gets no work done, I budget for it after the issue resolution.
My response did not change inspite of the question being asked 3 more times, the interviewer got stressed and ended the interview. Interviews are crappy, if the manager does not know what the deliverable is
Re:How often do you get stressed (Score:4, Interesting)
www.thedailywtf.com (Score:4, Interesting)
most of our employees have to do trouble shoooting at clients, so we give them a test early in the interview
The candidate is seated in aroom with a secretary type person, who after a few minutes, says, hey are you a tech guy - my printer isn't working
The candidates who say you need to download linux to install drivers don't get hired
The ones who say, hey, no problem, the printer was unplugged, get to the next stage
I actually thought a lot of the 16 questions were pretty good...fuzzy tennis balls at xerox and how does the internet work at akamai are ok questions, depneding on the job
Be Careful (Score:5, Insightful)
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
And seriously why would you have issues with these questions? You might think they are silly, but perhaps that is the point.
There are going to be lots of crap things you have to do at work. Crap things "you" think are pointless and stupid and, despite what you may think, your employer knows that you don't want to do these things. They have their reasons even if you don't agree with them. If you respond like a cock in the interview you will be a cock to work with.
Also lets take the tennis ball question,
Re:Be Careful (Score:4, Insightful)
um, yeah (Score:5, Funny)
I would be reluctant to blow up an interview just because there aren't that many people in my field, and no matter how ridiculous this particular interview, I might run into these people in some other environment where I *wanted* the job.
But this calls to mind a time I was trying to get an associate a job, who had been out of work more than two years. I had aced the interview, but we could not agree on price (they were offering a little less than what I was currently making) so we parted on good terms. I got in touch with them later, told them I personally vouched for another IT professional who would be a good fit for the position. They called him in for the interview. A few questions in, this happened:
"Describe a good work day."
"Well, I suppose that'd be a day when I haven't killed anyone."
Interview over.
Sigh. You just can't help some people.
Re:um, yeah (Score:5, Interesting)
Thats a legitimate description of a good day from someone who is ex-military.
Best way... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Best way... (Score:4, Insightful)
If you want a wholesale career change I'd agree with that. If you want to work in the same field I'd say that advice is retarded.
What is the difference between a duck? (Score:4, Funny)
"How would you move a mountain using only a spoon?
If you were in a box, how would you think outside it?
Last question: What is the difference between a duck?"
Re: (Score:3)
"Make the spoon the reference, then move the spoon."
"I think I am outside it, therefore I am outside it."
"A near miss"
Return it to the Interviewer! (Score:5, Insightful)
It's one thing to be new to the profession and just want to steer your way to a first job. But later, after you've worked through a couple crappy companies, you'll see that it is important to be on the offensive during the interviews. Walk in like a boss and probe their weaknesses. Any organization worth their salt should be impressed at your command of the situation. And if they really were looking for a meek wallflower that would spout the most PC response - do you really want to work there? And if the responses from the interviewer are stilted and confused, do you really want them as a co-worker?
Re: Return it to the Interviewer! (Score:5, Insightful)
Consider my response to that: "Oh, I already know how it's doing. I did my research on your company. I want to know if you know how your own company's stock's doing, and how your view of it matches up with the analysts' take on your company.". If the interviewer's willing to BS me about the company's performance and how it's handling itself, what else are they BSing me on? And if they honestly don't realize how their company's performing, I have to wonder whether there's some fundamental dysfunction that I may not want any part of.
Answering an old chestnut (Score:5, Interesting)
I once was asked the old job interview chestnut, "What is your greatest weakness?" I knew that you were supposed to lie and answer that one with a strength such as "I'm just too honest and hard-working." However, that technique always seemed too transparent to me, and I'm not a good liar. So, on the spur of the moment, I decided to answer it honestly. After that, the interviewer took a breath and said, "I appreciate your honest answer."
I took that as a bad sign at the time, but everything else went well so I was hopeful overall. Ultimately, though, I got turned down for the job. I've always suspected that my honest answer was the reason. Maybe they were looking for a gifted liar. But the job opening was for a software engineer, not a used car salesman, so that seems an odd qualification.
Re: (Score:3)
"I'm not a good liar" would've been a great answer to the question, as far as I'm concerned.
I'm a bit taken aback at some of the early posts here. I've had to interview a lot of people (as part of a team) for IT positions over the past few years, and quite a few of them demonstrate absolutely no correlation between what their resume says they should know and what they actually appear to know. You can get to where you're asking them stupid questions just to see if they can get something right. A lot of peopl
Re:Answering an old chestnut (Score:4, Interesting)
I once was asked the old job interview chestnut, "What is your greatest weakness?" I knew that you were supposed to lie and answer that one with a strength such as "I'm just too honest and hard-working."
Not necessarily. My mother has been on the asking end of that question, and one of the candidates she was interviewing gave the honest answer of being lazy. She gave this candidate the job, because it shows A) honesty, B) the ability to assess one's own flaws and therefore work around them, and C) lazy people tend to come up with good efficient solutions to problems. A and B are what she was really testing when asking that question.
It's also worth noting that being too honest and hard-working are actually pretty serious flaws in a potential employee. Someone who's too honest might say something to a client/customer/whoever that they really shouldn't. Someone who's too hard-working might push themselves too far and fuck their health to the point where they'll leave a critical hole in the workplace when it finally catches up to them.
Ghostbusters FTW (Score:5, Funny)
Best. Interview question. EVER.
"Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?"
Re:Ghostbusters FTW (Score:4)
Sure. Do you believe in property, propriety, plurality, surety, security, and not hurt the state? Say "What"
Re:Ghostbusters FTW (Score:4, Funny)
Say what again, motherfucker.
Re:Ghostbusters FTW (Score:4, Insightful)
"If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say."
Depressingly true in the current climate too.
Re:Ghostbusters FTW (Score:4, Funny)
If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
WTF #28 (Score:5, Funny)
I once was given a "security" questionnaire that asked, "Have you ever had sex with animals or office equipment?"
I was very tempted to write in, "Do hair-dryers count?".
Re:WTF #28 (Score:4, Interesting)
Don't you mean "on" instead of "or"?
Interviewers forget... (Score:5, Interesting)
Interviewers all too often forget that this is a two-way process. I am evaluating them as much as they are evaluating me. In a recent interview a manager (not the hiring manager) really started to put the screws to me about my job history, really harping on how long I'd been at certain places that are just plain normal these days. Engineering has become somewhat nomadic, moving on as contracts dry up, or after the place gets bought up to be run like a puppy mill.
My takeaway was they were out of touch the industry they were looking to break into, and further probing by me bore this out. At that point I was still smart enough not to "blow up" the interview, as as others have noted, niche industries are alarmingly small and interbred. You never know who you will run across again down the road.
Why bother? (Score:3)
If you find yourself in this question just say something along the lines: "This interview is over. I am only interested in companies that have a passion for quality and making a difference as opposed to playing pointless games."
Turn them against each other (Score:5, Interesting)
Several years ago I was looking for a tech writing job. Found a local company advertising for a lead writer to (among other things) redo their user manuals for networking gear. I sent them my resume, the HR guy called, we spent an hour on the phone and it sounded like we had a perfect match. He asked me to download one of their user manuals (about 100 pages) from their web site and critique it and bring it to an interview. I grabbed the doc, spent about three hours reading and annotating it and writing up a recommendation (and it needed a hell of a lot of work).
I get to the interview a few days later and the head of engineering is in charge, and the HR guy is there. Engineering guy obviously thinks there's no need for anyone, ever to employ a technical writer, engineers can do everything (which no doubt explains the train wreck I saw in the manual I reviewed), and was very rude. I stayed upbeat and polite, even though it was clear I had zero chance to get a job that he didn't think should exist, until he pointed to the marked up document I'd brought along and said, "I don't know why we would care about what you thought of our current work." I pointed to the HR guy and said, "I did this at his request. Who's doing the hiring here?" They looked at each other, and it was clear I had just poured salt into a fresh wound.
The interview ended shortly thereafter, and when the HR guy walked me to the door he apologized for what had happened. I told him to keep my resume on file in case they figured out how badly they needed professional help. Never heard from them, and their manuals are still a train wreck.
Re:Turn them against each other (Score:4, Insightful)
At least they didn't swipe your work for themselves and stiff you on consulting fees.
Least fitting interview question ever asked (Score:5, Interesting)
My personal fave:
After the spending the first gulf war in the military and then working a decade in extremely active security companies (we're talking 200+ combats a year and solo commercial and industrial armed alarm responses) I was ready to break into IT. On my first interview (for @Home phone network support) the hiring panel asked me "how I would handle the extraordinary stress of having to deal with people who were so very angry with me".
I started laughing like a lunatic, and couldn't stop until the tears were rolling down my cheeks. I realized they were horrified at my behavior and had been serious. I asked if they'd even read my resume and cover letter, and when they hemmed and hawed I explained further.
It went something like - "Look, 6 months out of boot camp I spent a night in ops watch at a flag command as the 4th link in the chain of nuclear response...that means that had anything happened I would have been one of the first people to get the ball rolling towards global nuclear armageddon. In security I was called upon to rush alone into a warehouse in the middle of the night with hundreds of thousands of dollars of merchandise all around me and find out if it was on fire, or if a half dozen armed criminals were robbing the place. I had to put myself (unarmed and unarmored) into melees with a pack of armed gangbangers out for revenge over a recent shooting. I had to restrain psychotic killers who were on PCP before they could murder the 19yr old nurse on duty. Look I realize you take your job seriously, but quite honestly none of you have the slightest idea of what stress or anger are. Next question please."
I figured that was gonna wash me out in a heartbeat, but surprisingly I got the job.
ebay interview (Score:5, Interesting)
this was the best: (Score:5, Funny)
So, the conversation went like this:
Jimmy: so, Mr Max, um, what was the worst job you ever had? M: Pulling the gold teeth out of the mouths of people who had just been shot. JImmy (appalled, but compelled to follow form): And, uuuuh, why did you leave that job? M: No career advancement - what was I supposed to do, graduate to actually shooting people? I don't think so. That requires skill. Jimmy: OK... well let's change subject to more psychological questions. What is your favourite colour? M: Clear. Jimmy: Clear's not a colour. M: I have a crayon that says it's clear. Crayons have colours. If I had said teal, or Forest Green what that have been OK? They have crayons for those too, ya know. Jimmy: Right. Well one more question... What do you like best about yourself? M: (leaning in closely to Jimmy and in a low voice): I'm a good friend.... Jimmy: Well, thank you very much and we'll call you if we feel there is a position for you here. M: Right. Have a nice day! Jimmy: good bye... (throws resume in trash...)
My favorite one... (Score:5, Funny)
Interviewer: Describe your dream job.
Me: I will have to sleep it, I will be right back.
(Put the phone down and let them eat crickets until the line disconnected.)
Best nap I ever had too.
-Hack
PS: Oh, as for the Dream. I forgot to write it down when I woke up. Go figure.
Stupid questions may be a deliberate part ... (Score:5, Insightful)
BBC (Score:4, Interesting)
I was interviewed for a position at the BBC, back in the early days of digital TV, working on their digital "teletext" service (i.e. that pseudo-HTML stuff they shove down the DVB channels).
Application went fine, was asked to interview (from thousands of candidates). Went in, did some tests (technical, editorial, etc.). Seemed to all be going well. Went to interview where the panel were half-technical, half-management.
Was all going alright right up until the last question. It was so wrapped up in management-ese that honestly, even as a vaguely intelligent person, I could not understand what it meant (let alone provide an answer). It was literally that impenetrable, and not even something that made any sense whatsoever. I couldn't even begin to waffle some management-ese in reply, it was that bad.
So I told them. "I don't understand, sorry". They repeated it, word-for-word. "No, no, I heard. I don't understand what you're asking." This went on for several minutes. The management in the room looked quite annoyed. Meanwhile, the techies in the room were making a show of writing a large "tick" (check) symbol on my application in front of them and grinning inanely.
Sadly, I think the management overruled or outnumbered them, and I wasn't offered (though I was told that I still came quite close).
To this day, I still can't even remember what the question was (it was just random words strung together than didn't even seem to ask a question), let alone work out what kind of answer they wanted. And, surely, if someone doesn't understand something, what you want them to do is stop you and say "Sorry, no, I don't understand", not plough on regardless making up some rubbish?
Needless to say, I actually felt quite sympathetic for the people who DO have to work under that person all the time.
Why do you want this job? (Score:4, Funny)
Best Questions (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The Akamai question is actually pretty good (Score:5, Interesting)
For director-level types, not engineers ("How does the Internet work?"), especially with follow-ups to nail someone who has googled and memorized the canned "answer".
This could filter out those who have the requisite charisma and social skills but who don't have a clue about the technology.
A friend of mine once suggested that the best possible question you could ask of a potential sysadmin was, 'Explain how traceroute works.' There are so many levels of 'right' answer that you can determine whether the interviewee is a rank amateur or whether she's currently communing with the spirit of Ada Lovelace and spontaneously generating CS zen koans using the AI in her programmable calculator.
Re: (Score:3)
just answer the questions like you're talking to another human, because you are.
At some point, you'd begin to wonder, especially if it was a phone interview.
Re:stop whining and... (Score:5, Insightful)
I agree. If a job candidate doesn't like the questions, I would expect them to react in a way that I could tolerate if I had to work with them. It is actually a good thing to pull a Kobayashi Maru in most cases as long as it seems like something that would be feasible. It is okay in the real-world to have a critical opinion as long as it is polite and constructive in the long-run.
I've been on the asking side of these questions several times now. (Not questions quite as silly as the examples in the article, but nonetheless...) HR said "pick 4 questions from this book and score according to this answer key." Obviously, the whole thing is highly subjective and the scoring is more about how a person reacts. Some of the questions are way too vague to be useful, but usually they allow you to gauge the behavior of a person. You basically want to find out how a person handles typical adverse situations that arise in a work environment. i.e. professional disagreements, impossible goals, annoying customers, etc.
I've seen many different reactions. It's okay if a person declines to answer maybe 1 out of the 4, but in some cases, people have claimed they never had an adverse situation. Not a good answer. Most people just try to answer the questions in a bland way with the 'expected' answer. So I need to hear something that tells me a person really cares, either by re-engineering the question, or having a really specific answer that would be hard to fabricate on the spot.
So you can be critical of these questions, but consider being in the shoes of an employer. You try writing questions for an interview that are not too vague, and can cut through peoples' BS'ing.
Re: (Score:3)
I commend your professionalism. I do believe if asked why I would take a given job given I "eat gold and shit diamonds", I couldn't stop myself from answering "constipation".
Re:yes & glad i resisted temptation (Score:4, Funny)
I once got asked a question which I found hurtful and offensive, and felt tempted to 'blow up' the interview at that point. Fortunately, I resisted the temptation. As it turns out, the question was his way of introducing the next thing, which was telling me that he was offering me the job.
I hear what you're saying. Regardless of your appearance they're not suppose to ask if you're a pre-op transsexual; but I'm glad you resisted blowing-up over it.
Re:Trick questions and trivia questions are dishon (Score:5, Insightful)
I haven't had to interview too many people at my current job (boo, federal budget cuts), but when I did, on 80% or so of people, I asked the question:
"Star Wars or Star Trek?"
The thing is, I didn't really care which one you picked, so long as you could explain why. And if you picked something else (Firefly, Battlestar Glactica, Dr. Who, Red Dwarf, etc.) and could give a passionate answer, that's even better. The only wrong answer is the 'I'm not going to pick one or the other because I don't want to offend anyone' unless you could really impress me some creativity in the process.
And for anyone who complains that there might be people who haven't seen any of 'em (I still know some people who are almost 30 and qualify) ... I work at a NASA center ... if you haven't seen any of the TV shows I've listed, there's a *really* high probability that you wouldn't fit in.