The Thirteen Greatest Error Messages of All Time 623
Technologizer writes "They add insult to injury — and computing wouldn't be the same without 'em. So I rounded up a baker's dozen of the most important error messages in computing history — from Does Not Compute to Abort, Retry, Fail to the Sad Mac to the big kahuna of them all — the mighty Blue Screen of Death. And just in case my judgment is off, I include a poll to let the rest of the world vote for the greatest error message of all." I can't believe that "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" didn't make the list.
and the fourteenth error should be... (Score:5, Funny)
Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Kernel Panic? Why not just teach that damned kernel some self-defense lessons. Or, at least tell it to grow a set of balls. Just stop the damned Panic.
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Technically most are not error messages, but they are quite interesting.
One I'm missing in the list is "Too many colors". Some very old windows programs refused to work when gfx was set to more than 256 colors.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Most annoying error message? NONE. The computer just freezes-up for no apparent reason, forcing the user to pull a plug. This has been a bane since the earliest days of Ataris, Apples, or Commodores, and it still happens thirty years later. Grrr!
Another common message:
?SYNTAX ERROR
I saw this on my Commodore 64 (MS-BASIC 2.0), but it also happens in other versions of BASIC too. It was the universal error on all computers from the 1960s upto circa 1995 (when GUIs took-over as the dominant interface). I
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Interesting)
And I've had "ERROR: Too many errors!"
Was a compile-time error generated by Borland Turbo C++ 3.0 if you had too many syntax errors. Ah, high school...
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Funny)
My favorites that I've gotten:
"This wizard will complete the installation of:
AQP AA002! P O a @ P @1 Ae IoD'i"
And:
"You don't exist. Go away."
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Funny)
The most poignant error message I ever recieved was on a HP-UNIX platform which gave me the sad, childhood-crushing line:
"There is no magic."
So sad...
Psychoanalyze me... (Score:5, Funny)
When I spotted a bug in the output I typed...
list 1000-4000
and my program responded...
Really? Why?
Totally derailed my train of thought.
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
My favorite:
Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue, Del to enter Setup.
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Interesting)
I have to say, this is by far my favorite 404 [thcnet.net].
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Worse than failure (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, I've had "ERROR: No error" before.
I've seen the following in the Windows "Event Viewer" logs. (Reproduced from memory, so it's not verbatim, but it's pretty close.)
The following problem occurred during installation of Microsoft Office 2003:
Success
(Apparently, when installing via GPO, MSI sometimes reports an error despite everything being okay. So the message gets logged. It can happen with any package. I just liked the double entendre from when it happened to Office.)
(BTW, the subject line comes from this essay [thedailywtf.com]. If you haven't read it, you should. What's worse than failure? Success. HHOS.)
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Informative)
That reminded me of the almost Zen-like TRS-80 Level 1 error messages [rlrouse.com]:
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:4, Informative)
Awesome, if you really didn't know it is a reference to the 80's cult hit movie "Heathers":
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/ [imdb.com]
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
It's not Panic's fault. He's only following the orders of General Protection Fault.
Re:Kernel Panic!!! (Score:5, Funny)
My first admin responsibility was an AT&T 3B2 400, running SYSVR4. The bad days always had a slightly comical edge to them. Who couldn't feel sorry for a console that said only:
KERNEL: DOUBLE PANIC
The kernel panicked while trying to panic
I couldn't find that on Google just now. Damn kids and their hardened systems.
The most honest Windows error message (Score:5, Informative)
I kid you not. This one was repeatable on any windows box whenever Dr.Watson was invoked after a program crashed. It appeared in win 3.0, 3.1, 3.11, 95, 98, NT, 2000 (don't know about win me, xp or vista). Just click the "save as" button for the error log, then click cancel. Then the magic error appeared in its own box:
"Error: The operation completed successfully"
Dr.Watson terminated as well, of course.
Re:The most honest Windows error message (Score:5, Informative)
That's what you get when you just translate the return value of GetLastError() into a string using the appropriate Winapi function, given that the last command actually was successful.
Re:The most honest Windows error message (Score:5, Funny)
Yep. A Slightly better phrasing I've seen, every time our old Windows Exchange 4.0 box came up"
Warning: An unexpected condition occured:
Exchange started successfully.
As explained, its a race condition calling GetLastError().
Re:and the fourteenth error should be... (Score:4, Funny)
POST error codes (Score:5, Informative)
To be fair, it should had said "Error: keyboard not found. Connect a keyboard and press F1 to continue." But then, each byte of ROM was expensive once.
That error message dates back to the early days of the IBM-PC (possibly the first model, although I couldn't swear to that). Every expected possible failure during POST (Power On Self Test) had a corresponding error code and message. They all used the same output routine, which displayed the error code, the error message, and prompted the operator to press [F1] to continue. They simply didn't create a special case for keyboard errors -- it displayed the same way all the others did. There were other errors which left the system effectively inoperable, but still prompted to press F1. The keyboard error was just the most commonly encountered, of course.
It was error code 301, by the way. :)
IBM-PC keyboard hot swap (Score:5, Informative)
the error pre-dates PS/2 keyboards, and the older keyboards with the larger connectors were hot-swappable
The IBM-PC and PS/2 keyboard interfaces were not designed to be hot-swappable. However, it tended to work anyway, provided POST completed initialization of the i8042 first. On occasion, though, a cheap clone would have a mobo that fried the keyboard controller if you tried to hot-swap it. Back in those days, new motherboards were *expensive*...
Re:and the fourteenth error should be... (Score:5, Funny)
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard drive?
Re:and the fourteenth error should be... (Score:5, Informative)
That's probably why TFS questions "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" being left out.
Curiosly, though, TFA does say (on page 3 of 5):
I chose to limit myself to one fictional error message in this list, but I could go on: If I ever produce a sequel to this story, I guarantee you that "I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" will be on it.
Perhaps Technologizer got tired of clicking through TFA before reaching #5.
The Daily WTF (Score:5, Informative)
Re:The Daily WTF (Score:4, Funny)
Some are absolute genius!
You just missed a perfect opportunity to say they were brillant.
go away. (Score:5, Funny)
"you don't exist. go away."
Where's the keyboard error? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Where's the keyboard error? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
It was
301 Keyboard Error: Press any key to continue
Missing Option (Score:5, Insightful)
Your site is padded with ads. Continue? (Score:5, Funny)
Somehow, spreading an article across many, many ad-ridden pages is not considered an error.
Re:Your site is padded with ads. Continue? (Score:5, Interesting)
I'll bet you'll like the Re-Pagination firefox extension. When you get to the bottom of the first
page, do a right click on the "2" or the word "next" in that list of pages. Then you just scroll
down and see all the pages without clicking on anything more. The extension fetches the pages and
appends them to the bottom. I consider it "jerking the reader around" when sites have lists like that,
and thwarting them always provides a nice feeling of satisfaction and triumph!
Commodore 64... (Score:5, Insightful)
That's all I ever got out of one when I'd play around with them at Sears back in the day.
ed -- the question mark! (Score:5, Funny)
$ ed
help
?
list
?
quit
?
bye
?
die
?
FSCK OFF and DIE you fscking BASTARD!!!
?
^C
Re:ed -- the question mark! (Score:5, Funny)
$ ed
help
?
list
?
quit
?
bye
?
die
?
FSCK OFF and DIE you fscking BASTARD!!!
?
^C
Actually, substitute the ?s for loud beeps and strange letters flooding the screen, and you've got vi.
It's a great idiot proof tool for making. If you don't care about security, but don't want dangerously unsavvy people to get at the guest account or whatever, just start up vi in the console as you leave the computer, and only those that can prove themselves worthy against the mighty dragon that is vi shall pass.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
But a TECO expert could do wonderous things.
Re:ed -- the question mark! (Score:5, Funny)
Hrumph. That's nothing compared to writing a program that takes 7 1/2 million years to run and then the answer is "42".
The error no one wishes to hear. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The error no one wishes to hear. (Score:5, Informative)
They missed it: (Score:5, Funny)
Greatest? (Score:3, Insightful)
Divide by cucumber error (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Divide by cucumber error (Score:5, Funny)
++?????++ Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start.
Hey I got an error trying to access TFA (Score:3, Funny)
the BSOD screensaver (Score:5, Funny)
I just run the "BSOD" screensaver on my linux machine, with all error messages enabled. I love having people come in, pause, say, "Um... looks like your machine is really screwed up". Then I bump the machine out of screensaver mode, and their jaws drop.
Re:the BSOD screensaver (Score:5, Funny)
Re:the BSOD screensaver (Score:5, Funny)
That's nothing. I made the "You may be a victim of software counterfeiting" screen [msdn.com] my wallpaper.
Sad Mac and Startup Beep (Score:5, Interesting)
The Mac, having 4-channel wave sound from the beginning, went one better than the PC when it came to the startup failure beep. While the PC would beep out some sequence of single notes indicating hardware errors, the Mac would simply play one chord. A successful bootup was a pleasant chime (sometimes heard on Futurama or other shows when something boots up). However, hardware errors not only produced the sad mac, but a discordant anti-chime. For those with good ears, it was sometimes possible to diagnose some errors by the particular musical dissonance. In particular, some familiar with upgrading the Mac Plus became familiar with a chord indicating bad RAM.
Good times.
Re:Sad Mac and Startup Beep (Score:5, Interesting)
I liked the early powerpc macs that made the sound of a car crash when the failed to boot.
The Mac Programming Works C Compiler... (Score:5, Funny)
"...And the lord said, `lo, there shall only be case or default labels inside a switch statement'"
"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"
"`Volatile' and `Register' are not miscible"
"This struct already has a perfectly good definition"
"Symbol table full - fatal heap error; please go buy a RAM upgrade from your local Apple dealer"
"type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines 10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)"
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sad Mac and Startup Beep (Score:5, Insightful)
Having obnoxious sound clips attached to every event you can think of was the epitome of the early 90s.
"Game over man, game over!"
Linux took humor in error messages even farther: (Score:4, Funny)
I did the write-in option:
"Aiee penguin on the SCSI-bus."
That's the only time I've thrown back my head and laughed when debugging a crash. I can understand how "lp0 on fire" won out for historical significance, though.
A system call that should never fail has failed. (Score:4, Interesting)
"A system call that should never fail has failed."
A customer read that to me over the phone once. I made him confirm the wording twice to make sure.
Yeah, its a legit error message too - not a malware scare tactic to get a user to click yes, which I had half expected.
I just like the wording. The fact that you bothered to include this error implies to me that you knew there was a chance that the system call could fail.
Kevin
Re:A system call that should never fail has failed (Score:5, Insightful)
The fact that you bothered to include this error implies to me that you knew there was a chance that the system call could fail.
Maybe. Or maybe the programmer was just really anal retentive, like me.
I don't really consider myself a programmer, but I do write a fair share of CGI scripts. In my scripts, I detaint the user inputs and provide appropriate error codes for user inputs that fail the detaint. The error trapping almost always leads to one (or more) of some finite set of possibilities, but I *always* include a catch-all along the lines of...
1) Didn't match valid input;
2) Didn't match expected error #1;
...
n) Didn't match expected error #n;
n+1) Catch-all (just on the off chance that I failed to account for a possible error).
For the catch-all case, I include an error message similar to "This error message shouldn't be possible. Please send an e-mail to tell me how you got here."
A long time ago... (Score:5, Funny)
My Favorite (Score:5, Funny)
WebTV Anecdote "The Wrong Error Message" (Score:5, Funny)
The following story comes from Andy McFadden [fadden.com]:
Re:WebTV Anecdote "The Wrong Error Message" (Score:4, Informative)
The story is a first person account, directly from the website of the author. I see no references to an urban legend after a quick Google search. If this is an urban legend, you should cite your source.
PC LOAD LETTER (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:PC LOAD LETTER (Score:5, Funny)
And on the flipside: (Score:5, Insightful)
"Few users will like an error message no matter how well it is designed."
--Roger S. Pressman, _Software Engineering: A Practitioner's Approach_
Why not to trust Wikipedia (Score:4, Informative)
The article cites Wikipedia in claiming that the Sad Mac dates from 1987, not 1984. Nope; it's 1984. Just hit the interrupt button on the programmer's switch and you got a sad mac (000F 000D, if I remember correctly -- 2 groups of 4 hex digits for the 68000-based machines). Of course, that's from personal experience so Wikipedia: No Original Research means I can't correct the erroneous Wikipedia page. And then some idiot bot is wanting to remove the "bomb" image from the wiki article because of copyright issues....
Someone else removed the 1987 date, but the 1984 date still isn't there.
Long long long is too long (Score:3, Funny)
long long long foo;
int main () {}
EOF
$ gcc foo.c -o foo
foo.c:1: error: 'long long long' is too long for GCC
What? How? Sorry! (Score:3)
Beware (Score:5, Interesting)
One day I got a call from engineering that told me they where getting a error in a vb application. When I get
there to have a look they told me the engineer that wrote the code had unfortunately died the day before at a
fairly young age of a hear attack. The error showing was, "Beware The Man Behind The Curtain"...talk about creepy..
Re:Beware (Score:5, Interesting)
Back in '84 at UC Santa Cruz, we had to write an 8086 assembler and linker. I was on the linker group, and we decided to create the 8086 BAT-Linker.
Error messages were a short dialog along the lines of:
Holy $SOMETHING, Batman! $ERROR_CONDITION occurred!
Right! Quick, Robin! To the BAT-Debugger!
But Batman, we don't have a BAT-Debugger!
Even so, Robin, fatal errors are no excuse for poor traffic safety.
Gosh, Batman, you're right! I never thought of that!
Reply Hazy, Ask Again (Score:5, Funny)
The message from HAL9000 (Score:5, Insightful)
2001 is one of my all-time favorite movies.
Unix (Score:4, Insightful)
Guru Meditation (Score:3, Interesting)
I happen to have an Amiga Joyboard and a copy of Mogul Mania. Anyone know how much weight this thing can handle?
I'd like to try it out, but I don't know if this thing can handle 180lbs of adult male.
too many pages (Score:4, Funny)
They missed this one:
"Too many pages on the article."
I also like: (Score:3, Funny)
"Aieee, killing interrupt handler" (Linux kernel)
PS, hey, I still have Excellent karma... why no bonus? Now I'm, like, nobody!
Uber Classic Missing Message (Score:4, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:3, Insightful)
Explaining ARF (Score:5, Informative)
I seem to remember a few times getting all four: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail. Ah, DOS.
Yah. ARF came from the DOS "critical error" handler. Problems that required operator intervention were termed "critical errors", since the system could not proceed without help. When a BIOS or DOS system routine encountered such a problem, they invoked a software interrupt. The theory was that a good program could hook the interrupt and put in a more useful error handler. Obviously, not many programs did so.
Abort killed the running program or command, and returned you to the DOS prompt. Retry had DOS try again, without returning control to the caller. Ignore meant control was returned to the calling routine, as if nothing had gone wrong. Fail meant control was returned to the running routine, with an error status indication.
"Fail" might seem like a good idea, but it turns out that a lot of code didn't check the error status, leading to erratic behavior and/or just calling the same routine again.
There was some rhyme or reason to when which choices were displayed when, but I've long since forgotten it. Some of it might have had something to do with some commands being internal to COMMAND.COM and some being external programs, but the service routines all invoking the same "critical error" software interrupt.
OS 360 ABEND core dump (Score:4, Interesting)
Raytheon RDS 500 (Score:4, Funny)
That was it. Nothing else. Couldn't even bother to spell the word properly. It meant that somewhere in your 10,000 cards(!) of Fortran there was an error. Over time I learned what to look for when this happened.
We were real programmers then. Didn't have these girly compilers that tell you exactly what and where the problem is.
Not enough disk space to delete files (Score:3, Funny)
"Cannot delete filename: there is not enough disk space
Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again
This happens when you try and delete (as in move to the recycle bin) a file on a disk that's almost full, probably due to the extra space needed to store where the file was deleted from
How about.... (Score:5, Interesting)
See KB276304 [microsoft.com]
Re:How about.... (Score:4, Funny)
Even better, in the linked kb article:
"Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1."
My all-time favorite from Windows ... (Score:3, Insightful)
Ummm, shouldn't that read "Your system has been halted in order to guarantee a loss of data"?, since I was never given a chance to save anything before the system halt.
"Nobody knows why it's blue..." (Score:5, Interesting)
I do. :)
There was this crazy guy I knew in college, who went to work for Microsoft. We'd drifted apart, though we both still lurk in some private email groups of friends from that timeframe. About 5 years ago, I saw his name in a Newsweek article about some crazy-hip new MS project, calling him "a relative codger" at 33, brought in to rein in the young guns on the project. The official Microsoft web page for the project featured a "meet the team" section, which next to him, included the phrase "Wrote the BSOD."
I couldn't let that lie, so I wrote him a quick note asking if it was true, was he proud of it, and most importantly, "Why blue?" Here's part of the response:
I chose white on blue because that was the same color that the firmware on the Mips workstations we had used for their boot selection screen. Plus that was the default for the old character mode SlickEdit code editor that most of the devs used.
and:
No, it is not something I am particularly proud of, but once the kids I work with found out about this little skeleton in my closet they never let me forget it.
(He also avows responsibility for the Win 9x blue screen, "which gets a lot more air time.")
Lp0: on fire (Score:3, Funny)
I liked "lp0: on fire". I wonder what other things they could extend this too?
"Dell0: on fire."
"iPod0: on fire."
"TheRoof0, TheRoof0, TheRoof0: on fire."
"Heart2: on fire."
TCFA (Score:5, Informative)
For those who just want the lame list:
And in refernce to the summary:
Fault Horn (Score:4, Interesting)
What a rich topic (Score:4, Funny)
My favorite ever I found by doing a hex dump of a Tandy computer. I don't think many users saw this message. It said:
ERROR 0: POWER NOT ON
My second favorite came from a General Electric time sharing computer. It was:
EVIL DO LOOP
No BeOS love? (Score:4, Funny)
PS/2 BIOS Screen Glyphography (Score:4, Interesting)
For those who don't know/remember/weren't born - In IBM's infinite wisdom, I guess they decided to draw pictures in some sort of crappy BIOS low-res graphics to describe the error messages - probibly because anyone dumb enough to buy a PS/2 were to stupid to know how to read.
For example - I was working as an intern my freshman year of college, and had to set up a bunch of machines (or somehting) including PS/2's.
Now I mind you, I was actually quite computer litterate - so imagine my surprise when I turned on one system and got a picture which I could only describe as late-20th-century hieroglyphics. It had a person - with horizontal dotted lines coming out of its head, going through a rectangle or square or something - then a bunch of numbers.
WTF?!
I probably spent 10 minutes trying my best to decipher. The best I could come up with, was that it wanted me to elevate the monitor to be level with my head - probibly to avoid some sort of repetitive-strain-injury or something.
Was there some sort of water-leveling device running between the computer and monitor through the VGA cable or something?! How did it know this?! Even I knew this was stupid - but was desparate to try something. No - that wasn't it!
Eventually, I figured out the message: "Look up this error code in the manual".
If they just said that, I would have done that! If that hadn't showed anything but an error number, I would have done that!
Pikers all of them... (Score:4, Funny)
My favorite error message has probably never been seen by any other Slashdotter...
I worked on the FCS MK88/2 (Trident-I Backfit fire control) in the Navy - a room sized collection of computers, old fashioned hard drives the size of footlockers, and associated electronics. In normal operation is was medium noisy what with the disk drives clattering, dozen of power supplies humming (including two big 2kw 120VAC to 28VDC converters), the printer occasionally printing a status or system report, and sometimes a switch rolling as the system operated. It also looked somewhat like you'd think a computer looked like if all you had to go on was Hollywood... Though the lights didn't blink (except for one set on the MDF's), there were a couple of hundred indicator lights scattered across the system plus the console had a couple of dozen more usually lit.
One day, cruising along at [mumble] feet under the North Atlantic, the generator that provided power to the system ate itself... In an instant all that humming stopped and all the lights went dark.
Except one.
On the alarm and monitoring portion of the console (powered by a separate supply) one red light came on, the only light lit and the only portion of the whole massive pile of machinery that had power...
"Input Power Fault".
Well, duh...
Re:Talk about a missed opportunity- Printer on fir (Score:4, Informative)
It wasn't. It is in the article.
Re:Talk about a missed opportunity- Printer on fir (Score:5, Insightful)
Btw: Of course they didn't modify this message for countries which don't use the Letter format, making it even more confusing...
Re:Talk about a missed opportunity- Printer on fir (Score:5, Funny)
PC LOAD LETTER
What the fuck does that mean?
Re:Quite a good read. (Score:5, Insightful)
I've never run into the FailWhale, because I've never tried Twitter. Although I'm confused by TFA's comment:
If you can explain what the image has to do with a Web 2.0 service buckling under extreme traffic, please let me know.
8 little birds trying to carry a whale they have tethered seems like a perfectly appropriate image to accompany a server strain error IMO.
Re:UNIX: Please contact your system administrator (Score:4, Insightful)
Isn't it Windows that's often doing that? Crapping out with the most vague error message you can possibly imagine and ending in: 'Please contact your system administrator'
Luckily, as a system administrator you have the ability to look right through the computer case and into the RAM modules to see exactly what has gone wrong in this particular case. Otherwise this kind of error message could just blow your day.